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Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30660) - you deserved it (5612)
On 08/04/2009 at 7:25pm - health - by toadface (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52053) - you deserved it (7053)
On 08/03/2009 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by BeboKhaos (man) - United States (California)
Today, at the dentist, the new, rather airy assistant went to prep me for an extraction. She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood. She was trying to pull out "that weird wire thing". In other words, my permanent retainer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53897) - you deserved it (1627)
On 07/22/2009 at 6:36pm - health - by retainer (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was driving on the freeway when I get a call from my friend explaining that our two best friends died in a car accident. I pulled over in hysterics and a cop came to see what was wrong. I explained what happened and he gave me a ticket for talking on the phone while driving. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82416) - you deserved it (10684)
On 07/22/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by sadinseattle (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that my new boss at my job is the same guy that I turned down repeatedly last night at the bar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44846) - you deserved it (3013)
On 07/17/2009 at 1:02am - work - by awkward. (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my daughter turned 11. Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decided to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. When she saw the letter, she screamed and showed me. When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hated me, started crying, and stepped on my foot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24393) - you deserved it (78047)
On 07/16/2009 at 6:16am - kids - by notawizard (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)
Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (47940) - you deserved it (6493)
On 07/11/2009 at 4:11pm - health - by waxinghorror (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I went to my friend's house for the first time. As I was pulling up, I called him and asked him if I could use his bathroom. He told me to just go in the back and use it, so i did. As i'm sitting on the toilet, someone knocks on the door and asks me who I am. It wasn't my friend's house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44201) - you deserved it (8178)
On 07/10/2009 at 5:22pm - misc - by whitewater_al (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14847) - you deserved it (176704)
On 07/07/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by Stoopid (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I came home and found out that my new roommate, who smokes half a pack of cigarettes a day and drinks heavily 5 nights a week, had smashed my $300 bong because "weed is a horrible and deadly drug that will kill you slowly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47647) - you deserved it (25852)
On 07/06/2009 at 1:55am - misc - by expen_dable (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59750) - you deserved it (2741)
On 07/05/2009 at 1:21am - work - by Barista (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my drunk boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to light a firework in the back seat of my car while we were driving down the interstate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34321) - you deserved it (4762)
On 07/04/2009 at 6:48pm - misc - by litup (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45115) - you deserved it (7310)
On 07/04/2009 at 2:07am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I had been planning a family trip for months. My father had all his bags packed, ready to go in the car. He had my grandmother's ashes in his suitcase, and planned to spread them on a mountain. This morning our car was broken into and everything was stolen. The thief stole my grandma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48670) - you deserved it (2036)
On 07/04/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by noyodel (woman) - Italy
Today, I watched my best friend get married to the guy I have been in love with since the 8th grade. I was the maid of honor, and had to give a toast to the couple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57163) - you deserved it (13718)
On 07/03/2009 at 9:45pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Friday 24 May 2013
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