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hurley12's favorite FMLs
by ThunderThighs / 07/23/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
by and god shat / 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals
Today, I had to go to the police station after my son got arrested for shoplifting 15 packs of gum. He got away with it at first, but got busted when he tried to return it all because he "didn't like the flavor". FML
by idiotson / 06/10/2014 at 8:39pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML
by half-dead in CA / 05/31/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (California) / Health
by Mem / 05/30/2014 at 4:07pm / Sweden (Gavleborgs Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML
by NickJJ / 05/15/2014 at 10:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML
by oh god. / 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work
Today, I received my employee ID, which I have to wear at all times at my new job. The only problem is that in my photo, I look like a donkey having a seizure. Customers keep snickering at it, and my boss thinks I posed like that deliberately. FML
by Lady Madeira von Cuntshunt / 03/21/2014 at 4:46pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
by Anonymous / 02/24/2014 at 10:21am / United States / Transportation
Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML
by molliciousj / 02/19/2014 at 12:09am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/18/2014 at 2:49pm / Virgin Islands, U.S. / Intimacy
Today, I was Skyping with a guy I'm really into. I'm not supposed to Skype at night, so when I heard my mum coming, I minimized the window. She walked in before I could mute my mic and started bitching me out for flushing my tampons down the toilet. FML
by FUUUUCK / 02/11/2014 at 3:00pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Vincent / 01/02/2014 at 12:04am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/28/2013 at 12:51am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my teacher was talking about anorexia and bulimia. Midway through the lesson, she stopped and knowingly asked if I wanted to share my experiences with the class. I don't have an eating disorder, just a screwed-up metabolism. FML
by 94lbs of muscle / 10/02/2013 at 2:37pm / Health