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hurley12's favorite FMLs
Today, the lady whose son I babysit sent me a text, saying she left a gift for me for all the hard work I've done. I found a beautifully-wrapped box where she said the gift was. It turned out my actual gift was cookies sitting right next to it. FML
by 1dvos_grl3 / 12/19/2014 at 7:53am / United States (Louisiana) / Work
Today, I found out my girlfriend and all of our friends have begun referring to the time I was meant to lose my virginity, but couldn't get hard, as the "cheese stick incident." They all think it's hilarious, and the worst part is that it's actually a pretty appropriate description. FML
by Anonymous / 12/18/2014 at 5:45pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/14/2014 at 2:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 8:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I had to babysit both my neighbor's 3-year-old daughter and my very pregnant cat. I left the room briefly, only to come back to a traumatized 3-year-old crying in horror as my cat gave birth in front of her. FML
by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 10:34am / United States (Maine) / Kids
by jigglypluff / 11/19/2014 at 12:27am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML
by steak through the heart / 11/18/2014 at 1:57pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML
by drugsforthugs / 11/18/2014 at 12:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, a customer said the pants she was buying rang up more than advertised. I quietly told her plus-sizes were not on sale. The customer yelled in front of a whole line of people, "So I'm fat and can't read! Any other insults you'd like to throw at me?" and stormed out of the store. FML
by HereToLaughAtU / 11/17/2014 at 11:16pm / United States (Iowa) / Work
by tine / 11/16/2014 at 4:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/13/2014 at 9:14pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
by annababyyyy / 11/10/2014 at 12:01am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…