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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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humanrefutation

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humanrefutation
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3430
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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humanrefutation's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML

#2855395 (405)

I agree, your life sucks (64125) - you deserved it (2229)

On 06/13/2009 at 11:13am - misc - by Toothy_Peg (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014 (269)

I agree, your life sucks (73312) - you deserved it (13611)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was playing a medieval game with my brother, when he took all of his character's clothes off and said, "Let's have sex!" I looked at him and said, "UH YOU ARE MY BROTHER!" He turns and looks at me, smiling and says, "But not in the game!" I am a 19 year old girl. He is 12. FML

#2780499 (313)

I agree, your life sucks (59631) - you deserved it (3346)

On 06/10/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Sylvania - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710 (1201)

I agree, your life sucks (55727) - you deserved it (135995)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my new subletter moved in. Within 6 hours one of my cats took a dump on her pants. I freaked out, lit some candles to hide the smell and threw her pants in the washer. When the cycle was done I found her cell phone at the bottom of the washing machine. FML

#2529769 (126)

I agree, your life sucks (30668) - you deserved it (15538)

On 06/02/2009 at 11:33am - animals - by dumb (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I saw the FW: from my wife. FML

#2527360 (161)

I agree, your life sucks (72704) - you deserved it (5139)

On 06/02/2009 at 8:19am - intimacy - by Ariel (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I washed my face and grabbed the towel to dry it, I felt something moving down my forehead, thinking it was a drop of water. Upon looking in the mirror, I found it hadn't been a drop of water. Unless the water drop had legs and was gooey. FML

#2461249 (89)

I agree, your life sucks (30541) - you deserved it (2439)

On 05/31/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML

#2372867 (351)

I agree, your life sucks (26047) - you deserved it (41146)

On 05/28/2009 at 1:15pm - health - by ITguy1982 (man) - United States (New York)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to the Verizon because my phone was broken. It hadn't rang in 3 weeks. I hadn't gotten any text messages either. So, I got to the store they check out my phone. They told me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with my phone. No one had called me in 3 weeks. Then they charged me $30. FML

#2337784 (217)

I agree, your life sucks (48949) - you deserved it (24173)

On 05/27/2009 at 9:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I felt left out that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships and my boyfriend won't commit. I made a facebook up and pretended to talk with this really cute guy I made up. Today, I found out that my boyfriend is gay... he started hitting on my made up facebook guy. FML

#2330424 (163)

I agree, your life sucks (48924) - you deserved it (13668)

On 05/27/2009 at 12:06am - love - by sounfair90 (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was visiting my sick grandmother in the hospital when my cousin and I were playing in some empty wheelchairs. After goofing off I said, "They're fun, but I would kill myself if I was in a wheelchair." A little boy rounded the corner and said, "Tell me about it." He was in a wheelchair. FML

#2138736 (116)

I agree, your life sucks (7413) - you deserved it (52384)

On 05/21/2009 at 5:48am - misc - by boyo (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bare to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML

#1815627 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (268194) - you deserved it (32429)

On 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor went through the normal questions, then paused for a moment and jotted something down. Later when I got back my report from the checkup, I noticed that the doctor had checked the "no" box by "sexually active." She didn't even ask me that. FML

#1536104 (127)

I agree, your life sucks (66482) - you deserved it (4183)

On 05/01/2009 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went for a jog. I had stopped at an intersection to let a car go by. The car stopped and the driver waved me on, so I started jogging again. After a few steps, I feel a sharp pain in my side, then wake up in the hospital. The driver 'accidentally' hit the gas. FML

#987396 (182)

I agree, your life sucks (86431) - you deserved it (2794)

On 04/15/2009 at 10:10am - misc - by I_Hate_Cars - United States (South Carolina)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and clips his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As I was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into my mouth. I swallowed it. FML

#978628 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (90218) - you deserved it (6652)

On 04/14/2009 at 8:19pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.