humanpunchline

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humanpunchline

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1798
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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humanpunchline's page activity

Visits<b>DoctorWho4TW</b> - the 02/17/2013 at 2:15pm

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humanpunchline's favorite FMLs

Today, while working at McDonald's, an angry customer called asking for his money back. Apparently we'd put 6 cheeseburgers in his bag instead of 5, he ate them all and now feels sick. FML

by cheyeahh6 / 11/17/2013 at 5:41pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got into a fight with a lawn chair. It won. FML

by what_a_loner / 11/17/2013 at 5:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML

by failed brood mare / 11/17/2013 at 12:46pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on a family Disney world vacation, I saw a kid shitting on a public bathroom's floor. It was my kid. He's 10. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2013 at 12:33am / Kids

Today, my debate partner repeatedly said "You mad, bro?" to the opposing team in our college debate class. That debate was worth a considerable portion of our grade. FML

by gonnafail / 11/16/2013 at 3:18pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML

by I don't know, son / 11/15/2013 at 8:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I superglued the sole back into my shoe. Unfortunately, the glue didn't dry as quickly as it said it would on the bottle. The glue seeped through the sole and my foot got superglued to my shoe. FML

by footstuck / 11/13/2013 at 12:51pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked a co-worker why he was wearing sandals, as they are not allowed under our strict dress code. He got extremely angry with me and stormed off. Ten minutes later, I got called into our boss' office. Apparently, he told her that I walked up to him and asked to suck his toes. FML

by feetfreak / 11/13/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

by CanWeAllGetOne / 11/13/2013 at 1:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML

by icyrebel25 / 11/12/2013 at 6:57pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

by long day / 11/12/2013 at 3:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, a girl came up and hugged me. At first I was frightened, but then I asked who she was. Turns out she was the kid I babysat for 3 years. She cried when she realized I didn't remember her, then threw gravel in my face and ran away. FML

by haleymcaldwell / 11/12/2013 at 1:43pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML

by Alice99 / 11/12/2013 at 12:39pm / United States (Washington) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that shirt sizes don't get longer, they get wider. Being 6ft4, every shirt I try on makes me look like a cheap stripper. FML

by Pongy / 11/12/2013 at 12:31am / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a concussion. It was when an entire shelf of bicycle helmets tumbled onto my skull. FML

by myheadhurts / 11/11/2013 at 9:14pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health