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humanpunchline

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  • Title : Miss
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  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 561
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Visits<b>DoctorWho4TW</b> - the 02/17/2013 at 2:15pm

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humanpunchline's favorite FMLs

Today, while working at McDonald's, an angry customer called asking for his money back. Apparently we'd put 6 cheeseburgers in his bag instead of 5, he ate them all and now feels sick. FML

Today, I got into a fight with a lawn chair. It won. FML

#20961117
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29093) - you deserved it (10824)

On 11/17/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by what_a_loner - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML

#20960837
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57964) - you deserved it (2690)

On 11/17/2013 at 12:46pm - misc - by failed brood mare (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while on a family Disney world vacation, I saw a kid shitting on a public bathroom's floor. It was my kid. He's 10. FML

#20960450
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41426) - you deserved it (10590)

On 11/17/2013 at 12:33am - kids - by Anonymous -

Today, my debate partner repeatedly said "You mad, bro?" to the opposing team in our college debate class. That debate was worth a considerable portion of our grade. FML

#20959913
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40571) - you deserved it (2891)

On 11/16/2013 at 3:18pm - misc - by gonnafail (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML

#20959118
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44660) - you deserved it (4309)

On 11/15/2013 at 8:53pm - kids - by I don't know, son (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I superglued the sole back into my shoe. Unfortunately, the glue didn't dry as quickly as it said it would on the bottle. The glue seeped through the sole and my foot got superglued to my shoe. FML

#20956277
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39129) - you deserved it (11173)

On 11/13/2013 at 12:51pm - misc - by footstuck - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I asked a co-worker why he was wearing sandals, as they are not allowed under our strict dress code. He got extremely angry with me and stormed off. Ten minutes later, I got called into our boss' office. Apparently, he told her that I walked up to him and asked to suck his toes. FML

#20956059
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41025) - you deserved it (3623)

On 11/13/2013 at 4:00am - work - by feetfreak (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

#20955991
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46068) - you deserved it (12114)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by CanWeAllGetOne - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML

#20955466
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39875) - you deserved it (4721)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:57pm - love - by icyrebel25 - United States (Texas)

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

#20955245
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43229) - you deserved it (3491)

On 11/12/2013 at 3:29pm - work - by long day - United States (Michigan)

Today, a girl came up and hugged me. At first I was frightened, but then I asked who she was. Turns out she was the kid I babysat for 3 years. She cried when she realized I didn't remember her, then threw gravel in my face and ran away. FML

Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML

Today, I found out that shirt sizes don't get longer, they get wider. Being 6ft4, every shirt I try on makes me look like a cheap stripper. FML

#20954733
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39743) - you deserved it (2867)

On 11/12/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by Pongy (man) -

Today, I got a concussion. It was when an entire shelf of bicycle helmets tumbled onto my skull. FML

#20954433
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37270) - you deserved it (2736)

On 11/11/2013 at 9:14pm - health - by myheadhurts (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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