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humanpunchline

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  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 528
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Visits<b>DoctorWho4TW</b> - the 02/17/2013 at 2:15pm

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Today, upon hearing of the death of Nelson Mandela, I posted a link on Facebook to the South African children's hospital in his name and donated. I was completely ignored whilst my newsfeed became clogged by my middle-class friends with "RIP Nelson Mandela" and photos of Morgan Freeman. FML

Today, I was driving home, when a truck overtook me. Two of the Christmas trees it was carrying fell off straight into my bumper. The car behind me pulled over, but instead of seeing if I was okay, he just went to see whether or not either of the trees was in good enough shape to take home. FML

#20981618
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35659) - you deserved it (2495)

On 12/05/2013 at 12:41pm - health - by mooselord (man) - United States

Today, I was gushing about my love for Disney princesses when someone told me I "definitely needed to calm down." By whom? A four-year-old girl. FML

Today, I received an unexpected package from my mother. It contained my cat's ashes. Apparently he died 3 weeks ago and she thought this was the best way to tell me. FML

#20981265
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38718) - you deserved it (2423)

On 12/05/2013 at 12:18am - animals - by Cat Ashes (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was granted a donation to pay for a creative writing course. When I told my mom she couldn't even muster a smile. She found her excitement later, however, when she posted how proud she was of me on Facebook. I can only get praise through my mom attention-whoring on social media. FML

#20980804
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36311) - you deserved it (2287)

On 12/04/2013 at 7:00pm - misc - by Briscuit (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

#20980679
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37407) - you deserved it (12704)

On 12/04/2013 at 5:29pm - kids - by Awkward - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw my friend's car in front of school. I'd had a bad day and just wanted to talk with her. I got in and sat down, and felt something squish beneath me. Turns out it wasn't actually my friend's car, and I'd just sat on a random woman's cake. FML

#20978310
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35461) - you deserved it (24859)

On 12/02/2013 at 3:04pm - misc - by Sherressa (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I dyed my hair. And my forehead. And my ears. And my arms. And my hands. FML

Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML

#20977444
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38864) - you deserved it (4037)

On 12/01/2013 at 8:57pm - love - by bad poet (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I reduced my psychologist to tears. FML

#20976567
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41988) - you deserved it (3925)

On 12/01/2013 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML

#20975896
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54695) - you deserved it (4946)

On 11/30/2013 at 3:29pm - love - by fuckface? I wish (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

#20975844
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45471) - you deserved it (6470)

On 11/30/2013 at 2:21pm - money - by yulis (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I realized my girlfriend has been "on her period" for almost two months. FML

#20975537
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49893) - you deserved it (10675)

On 11/30/2013 at 3:31am - intimacy - by Jack - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
100 comments

Today, I went to my first job interview in months. Just minutes in, a sudden huge, uncontrollable sneeze overcame me. A wad of snot flew out onto my shirt, which I didn't even notice until the visibly disgusted interviewer pointed it out. FML

#20974690
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37637) - you deserved it (3397)

On 11/29/2013 at 1:08pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

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