humanpunchline

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humanpunchline

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2111
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Visits<b>DoctorWho4TW</b> - the 02/17/2013 at 2:15pm

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humanpunchline's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to tell McDonald's that my 11-year-old son thought it would be funny to take a dump in the urinal. I then had to clean it up. FML

by failedfather / 12/16/2013 at 11:34am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I realized how bad my depression has gotten when I caught myself fantasizing about suicide while having sex with my husband. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2013 at 2:55am / Intimacy

Today, my grandkids went around my house claiming items to inherit. FML

by blah! / 12/08/2013 at 8:19am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, I got to spend all of my time scrubbing poop off the walls and carpet because my 2-year-old decided he wanted to 'paint mama a picture.' FML

by ashsaunde / 12/08/2013 at 1:58am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

by bella / 12/07/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML

by mystery / 12/07/2013 at 4:55pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, a lady told me that I should sue whoever screwed up my "nose job" so badly. This is the nose I was born with. FML

by :^( / 12/07/2013 at 12:30pm / Bahrain (Madinat) / Health

Today, my 6-year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML

by john doe / 12/07/2013 at 12:29pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

by feiedbutter / 12/07/2013 at 9:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my husband learned that if he asks me a question while I am dead asleep my answer will most likely be "Yes". Incidentally, I now have a new cat. FML

Today, my fifteen year old son decided to tell his little five year old sister that Santa isn't real. She now refuses to talk to any of us and thinks "her whole life is a lie". FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2013 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2013 at 4:37pm / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

by fuckadaisical / 12/06/2013 at 3:23pm / United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I finally watched Toy Story 3; I ended up crying when the toys almost die. After the movie, my girlfriend broke up with me because I embarrassed her. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2013 at 11:13am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

by butterfingers / 12/06/2013 at 2:08am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money