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Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28136) - you deserved it (6462)
On 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9842) - you deserved it (18830)
On 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, my boss yelled at me for ruining the report she was supposed to write with my "terrible spelling and grammar". I've checked it thoroughly, and all of her 'corrections' are wrong. She doesn’t believe me, and is refusing to look at a dictionary. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27802) - you deserved it (1728)
On 06/29/2011 at 8:59am - work - by frustrated (woman) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)
Today, I'm 19 years old and, having never been on a date, I agreed to let my friend set me up. He was adorable, young, with blond hair and blue eyes...and 4 years old. My friend tricked me into babysitting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25206) - you deserved it (3174)
On 01/16/2011 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)
Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27644) - you deserved it (2871)
On 09/09/2010 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28547) - you deserved it (7126)
On 02/01/2010 at 3:56pm - love - by kaitlynn - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower. I took all of my clothes off, and stepped into the shower facing the knobs. When I turned around, I saw somebody standing in there with me. Apparently, my little brother and his friend were playing hide and seek, and I found his friend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30922) - you deserved it (3983)
On 01/29/2010 at 7:02pm - misc - by soonaked (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, after months of hardcore flirting with this incredibly attractive guy, he invited me to hang out. At which point he introduced me to his boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28258) - you deserved it (6205)
On 01/09/2010 at 4:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I realized that the shorts I have been wearing all day say "Juicy" on the ass. My name is John. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9702) - you deserved it (36982)
On 09/08/2009 at 9:33pm - misc - by JuicyJohn (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up random names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59557) - you deserved it (12172)
On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39517) - you deserved it (2200)
On 07/21/2009 at 4:49am - misc - by nottananny (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (177938) - you deserved it (25397)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30606) - you deserved it (271446)
On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139846) - you deserved it (32566)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15060) - you deserved it (32462)
On 05/02/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by screamo (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)
Monday 20 May 2013
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