About hrg729 : I love lamp.
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hrg729's favorite FMLs
Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML
by Anonymous / 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm / United States (Maine) / Animals
Today, my boss yelled at me for ruining the report she was supposed to write with my "terrible spelling and grammar". I've checked it thoroughly, and all of her 'corrections' are wrong. She doesn’t believe me, and is refusing to look at a dictionary. FML
by frustrated / 06/29/2011 at 8:59am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Work
Today, I'm 19 years old and, having never been on a date, I agreed to let my friend set me up. He was adorable, young, with blond hair and blue eyes...and 4 years old. My friend tricked me into babysitting. FML
by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Arkansas) / Kids
Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 10:00am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower. I took all of my clothes off, and stepped into the shower facing the knobs. When I turned around, I saw somebody standing in there with me. Apparently, my little brother and his friend were playing hide and seek, and I found his friend. FML
by soonaked / 01/29/2010 at 7:02pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/09/2010 at 4:26pm / United States (California) / Love
by JuicyJohn / 09/08/2009 at 9:33pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by NinjaPanda88 / 08/01/2009 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Love
by nottananny / 07/21/2009 at 4:49am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
by ....... / 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML
by screamo / 05/02/2009 at 4:44pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Miscellaneous
Today, while teaching my kindergarten class, I had a feeling I was starting my period again. A boy in the class asked me what a period was. Stressing over my own, I briefly told him it's a woman's time of the month when they have mood swings. He was asking about the dot at the end of a sentence. FML
by anonymous / 04/09/2009 at 12:53am / United States (California) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…