About hrg729 : I love lamp.
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hrg729's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend bought me a gorgeous ring that I fell in love with. As he slid the ring on my finger for the first time, he started moving it up and down my finger and making loud sex sounds, completely ruining the romantic moment. FML
by Anonymous / 09/27/2011 at 1:30pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Josh / 09/27/2011 at 1:14am / United States (Missouri) / Health
by lexyloo / 09/25/2011 at 9:52pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I bought a UV light so I could detect cat pee, since I was sure my cat was relieving herself on the carpet. I decided to try it out in the living room first. Nearly half the room lit up like a Christmas tree. FML
by Anonymous / 09/25/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
Today, I went out with a guy I really liked for the first time. He tried to hold my hands, only to be stopped by my mum, jumping out from nowhere saying "Oh no you don't!" before slapping him. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML
by Anonymous / 09/25/2011 at 6:26am / Singapore / Love
by Leenotgay / 09/25/2011 at 12:23am / United States (South Carolina) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 7:01pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, my mom and I heard a thump from inside the coat closet. I opened the door, and something fell on me. My mom, who was behind me, screamed, closed the laundry room door, and ran into the garage, leaving me to face the alleged attacker. It was the vacuum. FML
by Anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by RebekahBrooke / 09/17/2011 at 1:13pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 09/17/2011 at 4:17am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Love
Today, I will be sleeping in my aunt and uncle's living room. It is 90 degrees. There is an air conditioner but if you turn it on, the raccoons living in the wall will get pissed off and try to claw through the wall. Only five more nights sweating my balls off or imagining racoons having angry sex. FML
by ironik970 / 09/17/2011 at 2:56am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by applesmama / 09/17/2011 at 12:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
by unknown / 09/14/2011 at 8:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, as I was taking the bus home, I sat down next to a man wearing an FML shirt. While snickering I said to him "You totally deserved it." I guess he thought that comment deserved a broken nose. FML
by Anonymous / 07/30/2011 at 5:26am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation
Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML
by Anonymous / 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…