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howdoiusername's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML

#19957248
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6136) - you deserved it (70634)

On 07/19/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I sat awkwardly and pretended like I didn't notice my cousin discreetly trying to masturbate while talking to me. This isn't the first time anything like this has happened. FML

#19956706
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32871) - you deserved it (3273)

On 07/18/2012 at 10:15pm - intimacy - by Awkward - United States (California)

Today, I auditioned for the role of Rizzo in a local production of Grease. The director told me I wasn't tough enough, and that my persona too sweet and childlike for the part. I asked if I should instead try out to play Sandy. He replied "I was being nice. Honestly, you're ugly and can't act." FML

#19952455
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25964) - you deserved it (4132)

On 07/18/2012 at 12:02am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I auditioned for the role of Rizzo in a local production of Grease. The director told me I wasn't tough enough, and that my persona too sweet and childlike for the part. I asked if I should instead try out to play Sandy. He replied "I was being nice. Honestly, you're ugly and can't act." FML

#19952455
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25964) - you deserved it (4132)

On 07/18/2012 at 12:02am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

#19949637
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11416) - you deserved it (39234)

On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States

Today, I went to a coffee shop with my friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he winked at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML

#19948524
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28049) - you deserved it (3159)

On 07/17/2012 at 2:09am - misc - by theuglyfriend (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while at work, a lady with a mustache came in and told me she was lost. I was happy to help, but could not stop rubbing my nose due to allergies. As she left she said, "I know I have a mustache you little ass" and stormed out. FML

#19943603
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25785) - you deserved it (2450)

On 07/16/2012 at 12:08am - work - by crazyautio - United States

Today, when I woke up, I noticed something crawling on my bed. A white faced wasp was dragging the corpse of a rather large spider. I'm not sure what I was more disturbed about; the fact that the wasp was dragging something twice its size, or that these bugs even live in my house. FML

#19942968
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23856) - you deserved it (1797)

On 07/15/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by klanciee - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, when I woke up, I noticed something crawling on my bed. A white faced wasp was dragging the corpse of a rather large spider. I'm not sure what I was more disturbed about; the fact that the wasp was dragging something twice its size, or that these bugs even live in my house. FML

#19942968
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23856) - you deserved it (1797)

On 07/15/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by klanciee - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought we were wrestling, so he got on top of the covers and started "wrestling" with us. FML

#19935872
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15095) - you deserved it (29366)

On 07/14/2012 at 3:09am - intimacy - by Leyla - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up naked, duck taped to the wall with no memory of last night. FML

#19935617
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10116) - you deserved it (31458)

On 07/14/2012 at 1:49am - misc - by tapeissticky591 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to the grocery store with three bags full of sausages that I'd drunkenly bought the night before. Even though the manager remembered me, he wouldn't give me a refund, and now I'll be lucky if I can pay my rent this month. FML

#19933310
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5967) - you deserved it (32575)

On 07/13/2012 at 4:13pm - misc - by minaaaaajftw (man) - Norway (Akershus)

Today, I went to the grocery store with three bags full of sausages that I'd drunkenly bought the night before. Even though the manager remembered me, he wouldn't give me a refund, and now I'll be lucky if I can pay my rent this month. FML

#19933310
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5967) - you deserved it (32575)

On 07/13/2012 at 4:13pm - misc - by minaaaaajftw (man) - Norway (Akershus)

Today, I sold yet another £100 bottle of lotion to a stuck-up teenage fashionista with less brain-power than the yapping bastard of a dog she carried in her arms. She did nothing but brag the whole time about her jewelry, and openly mocked me for only making minimum wage. FML

#19933084
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25852) - you deserved it (2370)

On 07/13/2012 at 3:08pm - work - by fucking pissants (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I sold yet another £100 bottle of lotion to a stuck-up teenage fashionista with less brain-power than the yapping bastard of a dog she carried in her arms. She did nothing but brag the whole time about her jewelry, and openly mocked me for only making minimum wage. FML

#19933084
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25852) - you deserved it (2370)

On 07/13/2012 at 3:08pm - work - by fucking pissants (man) - United Kingdom



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