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  • Number of visits : 1999
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howdoiusername's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

#20016902
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17244) - you deserved it (7209)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:31pm - misc - by kherien (woman) - United States

Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML

#20016279
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45595) - you deserved it (2982)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:49am - intimacy - by happybirthday - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

#20015702
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30984) - you deserved it (8564)

On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)

Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML

#20015372
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32884) - you deserved it (2019)

On 08/11/2012 at 3:37pm - work - by mikeissad (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML

#20014116
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30587) - you deserved it (2112)

On 08/10/2012 at 8:45pm - health - by dumbasdogshit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after much debate, my husband convinced me to let his scumbag brother babysit our seven-year-old son while we went out to a restaurant. When we got home, we found him teaching our son how to pick the lock to our liquor cabinet. My husband is unapologetic. FML

#20014051
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20697) - you deserved it (3406)

On 08/10/2012 at 7:59pm - kids - by shira512 (woman) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, my girlfriend, who I've loved and dated for over a year, confessed that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" and make her guy friends horny. FML

#20013891
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34809) - you deserved it (4364)

On 08/10/2012 at 6:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, my girlfriend, who I've loved and dated for over a year, confessed that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" and make her guy friends horny. FML

#20013891
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34809) - you deserved it (4364)

On 08/10/2012 at 6:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML

#20012782
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29604) - you deserved it (16348)

On 08/10/2012 at 1:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Europe

Today, I discovered the crunching noise your foot will make if you accidentally drop a cement block on it. FML

#20011651
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26499) - you deserved it (2503)

On 08/09/2012 at 3:33pm - health - by flatfoot - Canada (Ontario)

Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML

#20011526
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22671) - you deserved it (5913)

On 08/09/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by mary - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a party. He got drunk and started talking about how his hot blonde girlfriend gives him great blowjobs. I'm a brunette. FML

#20004612
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33422) - you deserved it (2756)

On 08/05/2012 at 9:15pm - intimacy - by kklaucen14 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML

#20004599
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21531) - you deserved it (4483)

On 08/05/2012 at 9:10pm - kids - by milf - United States (Indiana)

Today, my son surprised me on my birthday with tickets to a concert I really wanted to see. I was excited, especially since I planned to buy them but couldn't due to the fact it was too expensive. I was ecstatic, until I found out he'd stolen my credit card to buy them. FML

#20004451
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23775) - you deserved it (1864)

On 08/05/2012 at 7:25pm - kids - by Kolkata - Canada

Today, my friends and I planned to go to a waterpark together. However, due to a "miscommunication," I, and only I, was given both the wrong time and the wrong meeting place. I spent three hours sitting in a parking lot in little more than my swimming suit. FML

#20004339
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21525) - you deserved it (2426)

On 08/05/2012 at 6:05pm - misc - by crissy becks - United States (California)



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