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howdoiusername's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML

Today, the whole family came over to celebrate my 18th birthday. My grandfather bought me a giant mathematics book. Apparently, he didn't want my 16 year old sister to be "jealous", so he got her the new iPad. FML

#20027507
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30395) - you deserved it (1671)

On 08/18/2012 at 12:51am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML

#20026361
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22130) - you deserved it (2261)

On 08/17/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by fuckoffandfuckoffagainyoucunt (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

#20026176
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28283) - you deserved it (6150)

On 08/17/2012 at 9:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

#20025968
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23826) - you deserved it (2636)

On 08/17/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by Sarah - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML

#20024681
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30675) - you deserved it (7393)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:50pm - misc - by cardsftw - United States (California)

Today, I was at work as a lifeguard. The temperature was absolutely stifling, but I tried to tough it out. A couple of hours into my shift, I passed out, fell off my stand, and crashed into the water. Or so the medics tell me. FML

#20024083
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19909) - you deserved it (2323)

On 08/16/2012 at 5:57am - work - by Soap0015 - United States

Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML

#20023605
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21527) - you deserved it (1502)

On 08/16/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by scarredforlife - United States (Maryland)

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

#20023096
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31986) - you deserved it (2679)

On 08/15/2012 at 6:52pm - intimacy - by what the FUCK (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, thanks to a new form of birth control, I've now been having my period non-stop for six weeks. FML

#20022564
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35911) - you deserved it (3970)

On 08/15/2012 at 1:08pm - health - by theflow (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

#20019911
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27656) - you deserved it (4297)

On 08/14/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my son displayed an interest in chess, and asked me to teach him to play. Five minutes in, I captured his queen. He screamed "SCREW THIS STUPID GAME", slammed his fist down on his pieces, and started crying because of the pain. He's fourteen years old. FML

#20019380
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21500) - you deserved it (4001)

On 08/13/2012 at 8:55pm - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML

#20018436
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34764) - you deserved it (4808)

On 08/13/2012 at 8:19am - intimacy - by hmmmm (woman) - Australia

Today, while out at dinner with my boyfriend, I accidentally ripped out my tampon picking a wedgie. FML

#20017935
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16251) - you deserved it (15327)

On 08/13/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by brooke - United States

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

#20017485
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23810) - you deserved it (2381)

On 08/12/2012 at 8:49pm - kids - by JAdams (man) - United States (Oklahoma)



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