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howdoiusername

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howdoiusername's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out where my $300 worth of American Eagle and Hollister clothes had disappeared to. My 16 year old sister shredded them with scissors, took pictures of it for her Myspace and said that I deserved it for being a "conformist." All her "internet friends" said it was awesome. FML

#6901032
449 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38707) - you deserved it (12023)

On 12/23/2009 at 11:05am - kids - by meep (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my new girlfriend was telling me how she's attracted to "All-American" looking guys. Tall, manly body, handsome face. Then she says, "But it's ok, you're cute too." FML

#6710252
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31234) - you deserved it (3013)

On 12/11/2009 at 4:24pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I'm travelling to England for an important meeting. I'm Norwegian, and my name is Bård. I have to introduce myself as bored the whole day, because that's how my name is pronounced. FML

#6662033
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35626) - you deserved it (2961)

On 12/08/2009 at 7:10am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

#6635379
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27353) - you deserved it (17535)

On 12/06/2009 at 3:28pm - kids - by Bill (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML

#6624561
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15777) - you deserved it (36485)

On 12/05/2009 at 10:37pm - health - by soupduped (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I finished a 50 page term end thesis essay on the history of Russia. Looking over the final requirements once more, I find I made just a tiny little mistake. It was supposed to be a thesis on "Prussia". The paper's due tomorrow. FML

#6580357
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30698) - you deserved it (38164)

On 12/03/2009 at 4:08am - work - by WTFFAIL (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

#6392894
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14645) - you deserved it (37403)

On 11/21/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by jibberish (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a pig kidney dissection in Biology. I see a 'sack' which appeared to contain a liquid. Being the curious type, I cut open the sack, spraying said liquid over me and my desk. My teacher, after giggling, informed me that the liquid was in fact urine. I was pissed on by a dead pig. FML

#6340257
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13431) - you deserved it (37272)

On 11/17/2009 at 11:12am - misc - by Araya (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML

#6186656
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28658) - you deserved it (5269)

On 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was changing my shirt in the bathroom when I dropped it. It fell on my foot, so I decided to flip it up with my foot instead of bending down to get it. I flipped it, and it landed in the toilet. Which somebody had not flushed. FML

#5966338
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13594) - you deserved it (34047)

On 10/23/2009 at 10:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML

#5927953
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36080) - you deserved it (7138)

On 10/21/2009 at 12:40pm - health - by Rayvyn (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I accepted a great job offer I've been working months to earn so I can continue to live with my fiancé here in Poland. I just found out that my work visa was denied. Now I have to fly home to Canada and reapply before coming back. This takes a month. My new job starts tomorrow. FML

Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML

#5313361
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27375) - you deserved it (6800)

On 09/17/2009 at 2:45pm - intimacy - by RahiYeah09 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the park with my autistic son when I noticed a teenage girl imitating him by flapping her hands and walking on her toes. Fed up with children mocking my son, I went over and sternly lectured the girl's mother. Turns out, her daughter is autistic too and will be in my son's class. FML

#4810321
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43091) - you deserved it (22173)

On 08/25/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



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