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howdoiusername's favorite FMLs

Today, my 4 year old daughter was looking at a magazine cover with a well endowed model showing off her clevage. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, when I grow up will I have big round boobies like her or tiny pointy ones like you?" FML

#7079219
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31472) - you deserved it (4193)

On 01/01/2010 at 9:12am - kids - by andy - United States (New York)

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

#6989911
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83960) - you deserved it (4752)

On 12/28/2009 at 7:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML

#6968124
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38712) - you deserved it (4122)

On 12/27/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States

Today, I found out where my $300 worth of American Eagle and Hollister clothes had disappeared to. My 16 year old sister shredded them with scissors, took pictures of it for her Myspace and said that I deserved it for being a "conformist." All her "internet friends" said it was awesome. FML

#6901032
443 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34551) - you deserved it (11244)

On 12/23/2009 at 11:05am - kids - by meep (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my new girlfriend was telling me how she's attracted to "All-American" looking guys. Tall, manly body, handsome face. Then she says, "But it's ok, you're cute too." FML

#6710252
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27257) - you deserved it (2676)

On 12/11/2009 at 4:24pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I'm travelling to England for an important meeting. I'm Norwegian, and my name is Bård. I have to introduce myself as bored the whole day, because that's how my name is pronounced. FML

#6662033
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31864) - you deserved it (2687)

On 12/08/2009 at 7:10am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

#6635379
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24266) - you deserved it (16521)

On 12/06/2009 at 3:28pm - kids - by Bill (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML

#6624561
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13752) - you deserved it (32959)

On 12/05/2009 at 10:37pm - health - by soupduped (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I finished a 50 page term end thesis essay on the history of Russia. Looking over the final requirements once more, I find I made just a tiny little mistake. It was supposed to be a thesis on "Prussia". The paper's due tomorrow. FML

#6580357
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27680) - you deserved it (34979)

On 12/03/2009 at 4:08am - work - by WTFFAIL (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

#6392894
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12630) - you deserved it (34223)

On 11/21/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by jibberish (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a pig kidney dissection in Biology. I see a 'sack' which appeared to contain a liquid. Being the curious type, I cut open the sack, spraying said liquid over me and my desk. My teacher, after giggling, informed me that the liquid was in fact urine. I was pissed on by a dead pig. FML

#6340257
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11723) - you deserved it (34321)

On 11/17/2009 at 11:12am - misc - by Araya (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML

#6186656
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24460) - you deserved it (4809)

On 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was changing my shirt in the bathroom when I dropped it. It fell on my foot, so I decided to flip it up with my foot instead of bending down to get it. I flipped it, and it landed in the toilet. Which somebody had not flushed. FML

#5966338
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11739) - you deserved it (30477)

On 10/23/2009 at 10:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML

#5927953
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32111) - you deserved it (6561)

On 10/21/2009 at 12:40pm - health - by Rayvyn (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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