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howdoiusername's favorite FMLs

Today, I bought my girlfriend an expensive chihuahua puppy because she was never allowed to have one as a kid. She was so excited and happy so she leaned in to give it a kiss. It bit her in the face, she had to get stitches, and they put the $500 dog to sleep. FML

#12192420
343 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35667) - you deserved it (7010)

On 07/29/2010 at 7:13pm - money - by Joseph (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my husband decided he will be a 'stay at home' dad. We have two cats. No kids. FML

#10938544
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30826) - you deserved it (3572)

On 06/03/2010 at 3:44am - animals - by Kate - United States (Arizona)

Today, my husband decided he will be a 'stay at home' dad. We have two cats. No kids. FML

#10938544
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30826) - you deserved it (3572)

On 06/03/2010 at 3:44am - animals - by Kate - United States (Arizona)

Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML

#10696817
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33221) - you deserved it (14575)

On 05/22/2010 at 7:24pm - love - by ChubbyAmerican (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I went to IHOP for breakfast. As we were leaving, I realized a little girl took my Hello Kitty hairclip. For the next 5 minutes, I fought with an 8 year-old for a hairclip. She won. FML

#9043466
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10392) - you deserved it (24319)

On 03/13/2010 at 10:13am - misc - by googoogaga (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, it was nice out, so I drove with my car windows down. I was stopped trying to turn onto a busy highway, when a car turned off the highway right next to me, hit a pothole, and splashed dirty water into my window and into my open mouth. FML

#8800523
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19843) - you deserved it (3554)

On 03/03/2010 at 3:16pm - misc - by pothole - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

#8630482
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16877) - you deserved it (24107)

On 02/25/2010 at 12:09am - misc - by Lespoon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after 22 years of perfect skin, I woke up with a bunch of angry zits on my nose. I used a clay face mask that was supposed to dry them out. Instead, they were bigger and green. Today is Valentine's day, I finally have a guy to go out with, and my nose looks like it's rotting off. FML

#8242504
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27754) - you deserved it (4818)

On 02/14/2010 at 9:14am - love - by zitgirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML

#7905644
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5666) - you deserved it (49453)

On 02/05/2010 at 1:22pm - misc - by goldenshower (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after waiting to get home to go to the bathroom, my six year old neighbor popped out and literally scared the shit out of me. FML

#7842488
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26349) - you deserved it (3225)

On 02/03/2010 at 8:48am - health - by Scaredshitless - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went on a date with the hottest guy I've ever met. He is also rich and successful, and would probably be perfect for me, if only he could stop bragging about it. FML

#7586037
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25305) - you deserved it (12582)

On 01/26/2010 at 6:30am - love - by OTZ - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mother urged me to "get over this lesbian thing and give me some grandkids." In front of my girlfriend of eleven months. FML

#7583250
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36360) - you deserved it (11840)

On 01/26/2010 at 1:05am - love - by Eagle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML

#7482237
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49471) - you deserved it (3933)

On 01/21/2010 at 7:45pm - misc - by hardtotell (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a little "fun" in our secluded backyard. It was only after we had finished that we noticed the three little girls, who live next door, jumping up and down on their trampoline, with their mouths wide open. FML

Today, while babysitting a six year old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his pants/undies and pointed to his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

#7404915
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36609) - you deserved it (3491)

On 01/17/2010 at 7:32pm - kids - by Michele (woman) - United States (New York)



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