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howdoiusername's favorite FMLs

Today, I got very drunk after being fred from job!! In depressed, intoxicated state, I posted facebook status as 'Goodbye world'!! looool The only response was from dad saying 'cya'!! His comment got 29 likes!! fat FML

#13560342
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40449) - you deserved it (12190)

On 10/23/2010 at 9:15am - misc - by drunkfacebookuser (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a babby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML

#13525218
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26533) - you deserved it (3125)

On 10/20/2010 at 2:08pm - work - by Username - Sent from mobile version

mah sister an I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to ( just got released from hospital with Baby Lily ), as I'd had a babby earlier this week. My sister set hers to ( menstrual blood smells like shrimp ). Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML

#13469972
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33057) - you deserved it (6434)

On 10/16/2010 at 8:31am - love - by married (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found mah favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin!! I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny!! Apparently, mah younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate!! fat FML

#13145011
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52437) - you deserved it (3659)

On 09/21/2010 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

2day my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping , she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny , causing a lot of people to stare in our drection. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

#12975254
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34624) - you deserved it (3942)

On 09/09/2010 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

2day my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping , she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny , causing a lot of people to stare in our drection. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

#12975254
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34624) - you deserved it (3942)

On 09/09/2010 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I got grounded cuz I have a picture on facebook inhich I'm touching the crotch of a cardboard cut-out of Obama. My parents insist the FBI will see that and I'll end up in jail. My parents are crazy. FML

Today , I heard two of my students having a conversation. One askd wat state Arizona was in , and the other replid Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

#12837057
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32211) - you deserved it (7749)

On 08/31/2010 at 10:50am - kids - by teacher (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today... I mentioned to dad (we have a close relationship) that last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones fir the sake of safe sex... he asked me "Do u need small... or extra small?" FML

#12694516
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31490) - you deserved it (20898)

On 08/23/2010 at 1:05am - intimacy - by diesel444 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Taday Mah Boyfriend Started To Kiss Mah Boobs. I Am Pregnant An Started Mah Lactation Period. Now Every Time He Looks At Me He Calls Me Milky Way. FML

#12674562
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29652) - you deserved it (5246)

On 08/22/2010 at 12:26am - intimacy - by ananomus - United States (Ohio)

Today..!! at a family dinner..!! my new husband compared deciding to marry me to buying a used car!! Some of the similarites included looking under the hood an finding out how many previous owners there were!! FML

#12655569
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28194) - you deserved it (6970)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:13am - intimacy - by carwife - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom was taking an online IQ test. To the question ( On which continent is Canada located? ) she responded ( Antarctica. ) If intelligence is genetic, I'm screwed. FML

#12438050
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30791) - you deserved it (3331)

On 08/10/2010 at 7:19pm - misc - by Brandon (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, mah boyfriend textd me, and askd if he could come over to 'have some fun'. Thinking we were going to do it, I freshend up. Turns out his idea of 'having some fun' is playing Doodle Jump and Angry Birds on mah iPod. For three hours. FML

#12426851
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29219) - you deserved it (8683)

On 08/10/2010 at 3:22am - intimacy - by kylie - United States (New York)

Today, I bought mah girlfriend an expensive chihuahua puppy cuz she was never allowed to have one as a kid. She was so excited an happy so she leaned in to give it a kiss. It bit her in the face, she had to get stitches, an they put the $500 dog to sleep. real FML

#12192420
350 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37320) - you deserved it (7269)

On 07/29/2010 at 7:13pm - money - by Joseph (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I bought mah girlfriend an expensive chihuahua puppy cuz she was never allowed to have one as a kid. She was so excited an happy so she leaned in to give it a kiss. It bit her in the face, she had to get stitches, an they put the $500 dog to sleep. real FML

#12192420
350 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37320) - you deserved it (7269)

On 07/29/2010 at 7:13pm - money - by Joseph (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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