horns69

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Offline (the 12/12/2015 at 9:26am)

horns69

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 27 February 1986 (30 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1528
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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horns69's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:38pm<b>SecretlyEvil9792</b> - the 08/12/2011 at 5:41pm<b>CarterColbie</b> - the 06/18/2011 at 1:09am<b>lmc94</b> - the 05/01/2011 at 2:51pm<b>anna19</b> - the 04/22/2011 at 10:23am<b>sweet_candy_</b> - the 03/23/2011 at 6:03pm<b>Othello22</b> - the 02/23/2011 at 8:03pm<b>ElectricGhost</b> - the 02/21/2011 at 1:41pm<b>Tikwichka</b> - the 02/17/2011 at 8:48pm<b>CourtneyDanielle</b> - the 02/16/2011 at 8:02pm<b>TheNewGuy03</b> - the 02/15/2011 at 5:53am<b>kmwis_00</b> - the 02/11/2011 at 9:35pm<b>pinklover24</b> - the 02/11/2011 at 7:51pm<b>HappinessForFree</b> - the 02/09/2011 at 6:06pm<b>missile</b> - the 02/09/2011 at 11:41am<b>LoveLostFound</b> - the 02/09/2011 at 6:07am<b>jessxoxo28</b> - the 02/08/2011 at 10:53pm<b>Doortje</b> - the 02/08/2011 at 8:07pm

horns69's FML badges

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Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of horns69's badges

horns69's favorite FMLs

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

by Anonymous / 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, after my 22 year old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML

by WTF / 03/16/2011 at 6:05pm / Health

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

by stupiddrunk / 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML

by unwantedlove / 02/25/2011 at 1:36pm / France / Intimacy

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

by inder / 02/25/2011 at 11:03am / United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent) / Intimacy

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

by failed / 02/23/2011 at 5:06am / Switzerland (Vaud) / Intimacy

Today, I used my AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML

by Raprotcommander / 02/07/2011 at 10:47am / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

by anonymous / 02/03/2011 at 12:17am / Intimacy

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

by welly223 / 01/20/2011 at 1:01am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 2:14pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

by nemo518 / 12/23/2010 at 1:36am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my best friend lost her virginity in the backseat of a car. I was sitting in the front. FML

by Olive14 / 12/16/2010 at 3:03pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

by Wisconsin love / 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really fast. Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out what it meant, I'm now grounded by my mother for having a foul mouth. FML

by bribreeeeeezyfreshhh / 12/06/2010 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 7:11pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy