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horns69

Offline (the 09/19/2014 at 4:37am) | Search for a member

horns69

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 27 February 1986 (28 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 886
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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horns69's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:38pm<b>SecretlyEvil9792</b> - the 08/12/2011 at 5:41pm<b>CarterColbie</b> - the 06/18/2011 at 1:09am<b>lmc94</b> - the 05/01/2011 at 2:51pm<b>anna19</b> - the 04/22/2011 at 10:23am<b>sweet_candy_</b> - the 03/23/2011 at 6:03pm<b>Othello22</b> - the 02/23/2011 at 8:03pm<b>ElectricGhost</b> - the 02/21/2011 at 1:41pm<b>Tikwichka</b> - the 02/17/2011 at 8:48pm<b>CourtneyDanielle</b> - the 02/16/2011 at 8:02pm<b>TheNewGuy03</b> - the 02/15/2011 at 5:53am<b>kmwis_00</b> - the 02/11/2011 at 9:35pm<b>pinklover24</b> - the 02/11/2011 at 7:51pm<b>HappinessForFree</b> - the 02/09/2011 at 6:06pm<b>missile</b> - the 02/09/2011 at 11:41am<b>LoveLostFound</b> - the 02/09/2011 at 6:07am<b>jessxoxo28</b> - the 02/08/2011 at 10:53pm<b>Doortje</b> - the 02/08/2011 at 8:07pm

horns69's FML badges

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Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of horns69's badges

horns69's favorite FMLs

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

#15356314
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18184) - you deserved it (82772)

On 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after my 22 year old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML

#15339337
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41751) - you deserved it (11204)

On 03/16/2011 at 6:05pm - kids - by WTF -

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

#15154591
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13429) - you deserved it (34766)

On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML

#15114672
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36004) - you deserved it (6298)

On 02/25/2011 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by unwantedlove (woman) - France

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

#15113643
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43693) - you deserved it (4209)

On 02/25/2011 at 11:03am - intimacy - by inder (woman) - United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent)

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

#15087841
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21416) - you deserved it (41727)

On 02/23/2011 at 5:06am - intimacy - by failed (man) - Switzerland (Vaud)

Today, I used my AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML

#14881052
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9938) - you deserved it (48301)

On 02/07/2011 at 10:47am - health - by Raprotcommander (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

#14820910
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28474) - you deserved it (5783)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:17am - intimacy - by anonymous -

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

#14646268
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21700) - you deserved it (2817)

On 01/20/2011 at 1:01am - intimacy - by welly223 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

#14533533
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27921) - you deserved it (3837)

On 01/10/2011 at 2:14pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

#14305984
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40097) - you deserved it (8579)

On 12/23/2010 at 1:36am - intimacy - by nemo518 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my best friend lost her virginity in the backseat of a car. I was sitting in the front. FML

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

#14190460
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40207) - you deserved it (9880)

On 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm - intimacy - by Wisconsin love - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really fast. Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out what it meant, I'm now grounded by my mother for having a foul mouth. FML

#14106944
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13791) - you deserved it (22921)

On 12/06/2010 at 12:03pm - misc - by bribreeeeeezyfreshhh (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML

#14074806
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36836) - you deserved it (5148)

On 12/03/2010 at 7:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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