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horns69's favorite FMLs
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
by Anonymous / 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, after my 22 year old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML
by stupiddrunk / 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health
by unwantedlove / 02/25/2011 at 1:36pm / France / Intimacy
Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML
by inder / 02/25/2011 at 11:03am / United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent) / Intimacy
by failed / 02/23/2011 at 5:06am / Switzerland (Vaud) / Intimacy
by Raprotcommander / 02/07/2011 at 10:47am / United States (Georgia) / Health
Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML
by welly223 / 01/20/2011 at 1:01am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 2:14pm / United States (California) / Health
by nemo518 / 12/23/2010 at 1:36am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Olive14 / 12/16/2010 at 3:03pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by Wisconsin love / 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by bribreeeeeezyfreshhh / 12/06/2010 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 7:11pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
- Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains.… Today, while having sex, I tried to kick the blanket over my feet and kneed myself in the face. FML Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except…