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horns69

Offline (the 09/19/2014 at 4:37am) | Search for a member

horns69

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 27 February 1986 (29 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1045
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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horns69's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:38pm<b>SecretlyEvil9792</b> - the 08/12/2011 at 5:41pm<b>CarterColbie</b> - the 06/18/2011 at 1:09am<b>lmc94</b> - the 05/01/2011 at 2:51pm<b>anna19</b> - the 04/22/2011 at 10:23am<b>sweet_candy_</b> - the 03/23/2011 at 6:03pm<b>Othello22</b> - the 02/23/2011 at 8:03pm<b>ElectricGhost</b> - the 02/21/2011 at 1:41pm<b>Tikwichka</b> - the 02/17/2011 at 8:48pm<b>CourtneyDanielle</b> - the 02/16/2011 at 8:02pm<b>TheNewGuy03</b> - the 02/15/2011 at 5:53am<b>kmwis_00</b> - the 02/11/2011 at 9:35pm<b>pinklover24</b> - the 02/11/2011 at 7:51pm<b>HappinessForFree</b> - the 02/09/2011 at 6:06pm<b>missile</b> - the 02/09/2011 at 11:41am<b>LoveLostFound</b> - the 02/09/2011 at 6:07am<b>jessxoxo28</b> - the 02/08/2011 at 10:53pm<b>Doortje</b> - the 02/08/2011 at 8:07pm

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Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

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horns69's favorite FMLs

TODAY, MAH FATHER CAME OVER TO MAH HOUSE. I REALIZED THERE WERE CONDOMS ON THE TABLE, SO I SUBTLY MOVED A VASE TO HIDE THEM. HE THEN GAVE ME AN UNAMUSED LOOK AN SAID ( I KNOW YOU HAVE SEX. YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR NINE YEARS. GROW THE FUCK UP, DUMBASS. ) FML

#15356314
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18302) - you deserved it (83072)

On 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

yesterday after my 22 year old son realizd that there was no more contact solution.. . he decidd to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushd out . I raisd this moron . FML

#15339337
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41961) - you deserved it (11236)

On 03/16/2011 at 6:05pm - kids - by WTF -

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on sofa, with an electric dog collar around neck an handcuffs on wrists!! The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence!! FML

#15154591
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13513) - you deserved it (34936)

On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, My Fiancé An I Were Cuddling On The Couch Watching TVhen We Started Kissing. As I Crawled Onto His Lap An Started To Unzip His Pants, He Said, "You're Blocking The TV." FML

#15114672
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36209) - you deserved it (6316)

On 02/25/2011 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by unwantedlove (woman) - France

Today,hile having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible thathen I bend over backwards, the backs of knees can touch shoulders. My boyfriend looool is now extremely jealou and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

#15113643
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43848) - you deserved it (4222)

On 02/25/2011 at 11:03am - intimacy - by inder (woman) - United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent)

Today , I was going down on mah girlfriend. I thought everything was going well , then all of a looool sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION , CHILL OUT." FML

#15087841
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22406) - you deserved it (42871)

On 02/23/2011 at 5:06am - intimacy - by failed (man) - Switzerland (Vaud)

Today, I used mah AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML

#14881052
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10290) - you deserved it (49291)

On 02/07/2011 at 10:47am - health - by Raprotcommander (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

#14820910
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30039) - you deserved it (5958)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:17am - intimacy - by anonymous -

Today , I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression 4 saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' 4 new ideas each afternoon. FML

#14646268
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21874) - you deserved it (2827)

On 01/20/2011 at 1:01am - intimacy - by welly223 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from beind and scared me, causing me to inale and coke on te water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to im on te ground lauging is ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

#14533533
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28964) - you deserved it (3940)

On 01/10/2011 at 2:14pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today I was nakad on top of mah boyfriand looking lovingly into his ayas. Ha than startad to usa mah boobs as punching bags whila singing ( Eya of tha Tigar ). FML

#14305984
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41861) - you deserved it (8815)

On 12/23/2010 at 1:36am - intimacy - by nemo518 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today.. . my best friend lost her virginity in the backseat of a car . I was sitting in the front . FML

Today , my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets fir entry". FML

#14190460
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41977) - you deserved it (10165)

On 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm - intimacy - by Wisconsin love - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, mah grandmother told me to say ( sofa king retardd ) really fast . Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out wat it meant, I'm now groundd by mah mother fir having a foul mouth . FML

#14106944
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14204) - you deserved it (23428)

On 12/06/2010 at 12:03pm - misc - by bribreeeeeezyfreshhh (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, mah boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he startd going down me. He hadn't washd his mouth. FML

#14074806
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37067) - you deserved it (5168)

On 12/03/2010 at 7:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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