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horns69

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horns69
  • Town/Country : Rexburg, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 27 February 1986 (28 years)
  • Number of visits : 797
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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horns69's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML

#18936748
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33733) - you deserved it (2567)

On 01/28/2012 at 7:46pm - misc - by Come on - United States

Today, I was driving back home with my family. I had to sit quietly for half an hour, all while pretending I didn't notice my sister playing with herself under the coat on her lap. FML

#18891781
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39060) - you deserved it (3206)

On 01/23/2012 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by jjs51 (man) - United States

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

#18345679
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10931) - you deserved it (54097)

On 11/25/2011 at 10:02am - intimacy - by Dickhead - Lebanon

Today, I went into the women's bathroom and was warmly greeted by a man masturbating on one of the sinks. FML

#15712381
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38123) - you deserved it (3102)

On 04/09/2011 at 6:00pm - intimacy - by Jill - United States (New York)

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

#15546300
420 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66912) - you deserved it (9318)

On 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by Johntheladdo (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

#15532710
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52810) - you deserved it (26716)

On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML

#15528931
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26276) - you deserved it (52532) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/28/2011 at 9:51am - misc - by Danou - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I would be ecstatic if he hadn't stuck the ring on his balls and asked for a blow-job. He even confessed that the original plan was to stick it on his penis but it was too small. FML

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

#15472026
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42540) - you deserved it (6477)

On 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm - misc - by omg - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML

#15411546
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39928) - you deserved it (3955)

On 03/21/2011 at 3:07am - misc - by kelly (woman) - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

#15405912
491 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33481) - you deserved it (47497)

On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)

Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML

#15398872
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44836) - you deserved it (8003)

On 03/20/2011 at 12:10pm - kids - by parenting_failure (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mom banned me from watching The Simpsons and Family Guy because apparently, they're part of "the Devil's plan to corrupt God's children". FML

#15370334
369 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39590) - you deserved it (8929)

On 03/18/2011 at 5:40pm - misc - by Jonathan (man) - Denmark (Midtjyllen)

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

#15356314
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15934) - you deserved it (77900)

On 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after my 22 year old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML

#15339337
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39949) - you deserved it (10763)

On 03/16/2011 at 6:05pm - kids - by WTF -



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