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horns69's favorite FMLs
by justgreat / 03/23/2012 at 10:30pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by noneedtostress / 03/17/2012 at 11:52am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML
by Come on / 01/28/2012 at 7:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by jjs51 / 01/23/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Transportation
by Dickhead / 11/25/2011 at 10:02am / Lebanon / Intimacy
by Jill / 04/09/2011 at 6:00pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Johntheladdo / 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
by dickface / 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I would be ecstatic if he hadn't stuck the ring on his balls and asked for a blow-job. He even confessed that the original plan was to stick it on his penis but it was too small. FML
by Angel1000168 / 03/27/2011 at 4:37am / Australia / Intimacy
by omg / 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML
by kelly / 03/21/2011 at 3:07am / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Miscellaneous
Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML
by failureparent / 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm / United States (California) / Geek
Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML
by parenting_failure / 03/20/2011 at 12:10pm / Kids
by Jonathan / 03/18/2011 at 5:40pm / Denmark (Midtjyllen) / Miscellaneous
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, it’s been a week since I arrived in Cuba. Gustav came to visit us. Now it’s Hannah’s turn.… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…