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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26866) - you deserved it (2074)
On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon
Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6359) - you deserved it (814)
On 04/17/2012 at 2:13pm - intimacy - by blocked_by_fire (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML
I agree, your life sucks (4377) - you deserved it (8325)
On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada
Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6867) - you deserved it (4818)
On 04/12/2012 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by CantPublish - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (4164) - you deserved it (10296)
On 04/12/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by girly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I woke up for the third time in a row from a wet dream about my ex-girlfriend. I'm currently on my honeymoon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8145) - you deserved it (2476)
On 04/04/2012 at 6:53am - intimacy - by gordogs 25 - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6175) - you deserved it (1236)
On 03/23/2012 at 10:30pm - intimacy - by justgreat - United States (Florida)
Today, I realised my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago. Then I remembered I haven't had sex in almost a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21540) - you deserved it (5843)
On 03/17/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by noneedtostress - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29247) - you deserved it (1867)
On 01/28/2012 at 7:46pm - misc - by Come on - United States
Today, I was driving back home with my family. I had to sit quietly for half an hour, all while pretending I didn't notice my sister playing with herself under the coat on her lap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31424) - you deserved it (2270)
On 01/23/2012 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by jjs51 (man) - United States
Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8753) - you deserved it (39290)
Today, I went into the women's bathroom and was warmly greeted by a man masturbating on one of the sinks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35925) - you deserved it (2985)
On 04/09/2011 at 6:00pm - intimacy - by Jill - United States (New York)
Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58118) - you deserved it (7322)
On 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by Johntheladdo (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45530) - you deserved it (20388)
On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my new FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20708) - you deserved it (40819) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 03/28/2011 at 9:51am - misc - by Danou - Sent from mobile version
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