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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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hola
  • Town/Country : Connecticut, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 382
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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hola's favorite FMLs

Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car he pepper sprayed me. FML

#1844293 (279)

I agree, your life sucks (92776) - you deserved it (4730)

On 05/11/2009 at 2:55pm - work - by Ilovelife07 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to perform a skit in my class in which I have to wear tight spandex compression shorts. The class laughed pretty hard, and I felt like I had done a good job. Afterward, a girl I have a crush on said, "So the stereotype about Asian guys IS true." Through the fluorescent lights you could see my junk. FML

#571652 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (64940) - you deserved it (8077)

On 03/24/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by spandex (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom suspected me of doing marijuana. She went and bought a home-drug test and sent me to the bathroom. As I went in, I realized there was already pee in the toilet. I scooped that instead of my own and handed it to my mom. It came up positive. My sister used the bathroom last. She's 12. FML

#569324 (215)

I agree, your life sucks (24757) - you deserved it (54926)

On 03/24/2009 at 12:19am - health - by smokythebear (man) - United States

Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML

#483847 (106)

I agree, your life sucks (74621) - you deserved it (4860)

On 03/20/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by itsgotime (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML

#481631 (523)

I agree, your life sucks (249067) - you deserved it (34301)

On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

#278783 (313)

I agree, your life sucks (43638) - you deserved it (78426)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (362964) - you deserved it (401284)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

#168595 (52)

I agree, your life sucks (48244) - you deserved it (190104)

On 03/01/2009 at 4:08am - intimacy - by Sad (man) - United States (California)

Today, me and my girlfriend got into a fight. After saying my genius response to one of her asinine comments, I stormed out of the store, having the last words. Ten minutes later she comes out to find me in the parking lot. My car wouldn't start. She texts me "Karma's a bitch" then drives away. FML

#159138 (72)

I agree, your life sucks (8499) - you deserved it (39993)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:55am - love - by Not so quick getaway. (woman) - United States (Virginia)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I put my hand into a vending machine to retrieve a bottle of water that was caught in the slot. After a minute, I realized I was trapped. 2 hours, 4 fire trucks, 3 police cars, and 1 ambulance later I was freed. The vending machine was in pieces and the bottle of water wasn't even for me. FML

#147070 (84)

I agree, your life sucks (35838) - you deserved it (9210)

On 02/26/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by VenderBender (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was "sexing" my boyfriend a lot after I put him to bed. After lots of arguing, she banned me from seeing him and took my car away. Only much later did I realize my brother meant "texting". FML

#113033 (64)

I agree, your life sucks (66866) - you deserved it (3698)

On 02/23/2009 at 11:47am - intimacy - by Megan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

#112335 (91)

I agree, your life sucks (98897) - you deserved it (6958)

On 02/23/2009 at 7:51am - kids - by lifesucks4me - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I drove to a party after getting my car back from the shop. A thunderstorm started as I made my way there and upon arriving, the power went out. The guests decided to watch the storm from the front windows when someone mentioned how funny it would be if a tree fell on my car. Seconds later, one did. FML

#111850 (49)

I agree, your life sucks (51977) - you deserved it (2158)

On 02/23/2009 at 3:08am - misc - by Jessie (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

#108815 (114)

I agree, your life sucks (67695) - you deserved it (3919)

On 02/22/2009 at 10:04pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML

#70656 (126)

I agree, your life sucks (38002) - you deserved it (8653)

On 02/18/2009 at 6:27pm - kids - by girlmeetsworld - United States (New York)