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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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hippo23

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hippo23
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 361
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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hippo23's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

#18083202 (216)

I agree, your life sucks (27579) - you deserved it (3168)

On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

#16661318 (228)

I agree, your life sucks (29814) - you deserved it (2583)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:56pm - misc - by ugh - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

#15833308 (146)

I agree, your life sucks (23783) - you deserved it (6049)

On 04/18/2011 at 12:10pm - misc - by Wendie - United States (California)

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

#15619603 (332)

I agree, your life sucks (58549) - you deserved it (4293)

On 04/03/2011 at 11:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

#15583575 (203)

I agree, your life sucks (20049) - you deserved it (22307)

On 04/01/2011 at 12:32am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom and my pee split into 4 different streams, none of which actually hit the toilet. FML

#14540407 (147)

I agree, your life sucks (18119) - you deserved it (4808)

On 01/11/2011 at 12:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML

#14119130 (124)

I agree, your life sucks (23435) - you deserved it (1859)

On 12/07/2010 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Guatemala (Guatemala)

Today, I decided to take a nap in the university library. I felt like I'd only closed my eyes for a minute, when a random guy woke me up to tell me that I'd been farting in my sleep for the last half hour, and that the librarian was becoming concerned. FML

#14109722 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (19805) - you deserved it (6126)

On 12/06/2010 at 5:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying "milk the penis... miiiiilk the penis." FML

#10667407 (349)

I agree, your life sucks (37788) - you deserved it (9842)

On 05/21/2010 at 11:46am - intimacy - by mperrotta913 (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML

#7515979 (116)

I agree, your life sucks (5518) - you deserved it (13689)

On 01/23/2010 at 3:05am - intimacy - by BlackPolarbear (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at the movie theatre. I went to the bathroom, and was about to wipe my butt when I realized that where the toilet-paper dispenser should have been, there was a large hole. The woman in the next stall waved. FML

#7309178 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (19683) - you deserved it (3455)

On 01/12/2010 at 9:57pm - misc - by pass_the_tp (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML

#7231938 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (8889) - you deserved it (20781)

On 01/09/2010 at 5:12am - misc - by Face (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend finally invited me over to his parents house so I could meet them. My boyfriend, his dad and I were sitting in the living room, when I saw a really sketchy person outside, so I said, "There is some creepy hobo man outside, messing with your trash." The "creepy hobo" was his mom. FML

#6658638 (47)

I agree, your life sucks (6415) - you deserved it (23814)

On 12/08/2009 at 12:09am - love - by CheLi (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me over the phone in between telling the Subway employees what he wanted on his sandwich. FML

#5230758 (147)

I agree, your life sucks (37097) - you deserved it (2124)

On 09/13/2009 at 3:18pm - love - by misc (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML

#4393930 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (42473) - you deserved it (8201)

On 08/08/2009 at 9:41pm - intimacy - by blank13 (man) - United States (California)