hiloman500

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hiloman500

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1290
  • Number of comments : 26
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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hiloman500's page activity

Visits<b>laurenada</b> - the 05/02/2016 at 4:22pm<b>Aukrenchi</b> - the 12/02/2015 at 9:39am<b>annoyedperson</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 4:38pm<b>totally_not_dan</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 10:12pm<b>Moonditch</b> - the 08/11/2015 at 8:05am<b>jenn4376</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 1:26am<b>Scrambled</b> - the 07/09/2015 at 4:29am<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 04/03/2015 at 6:02pm<b>thrasher590</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 12:11pm<b>facelick</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 7:57pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 1:42am<b>mrunfortunateman</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 6:57pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 12:42pm<b>ILoveMyIpad1234</b> - the 02/04/2014 at 12:28am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 8:44pm<b>TinyAsianMan</b> - the 12/10/2013 at 2:45am<b>kill_cam13</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 12:36am<b>cats400</b> - the 11/30/2013 at 8:44am

hiloman500's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

hiloman500's favorite FMLs

Today, I painted my daughter's bedroom. When I wasn't paying attention, the cat walked through the paint tray. There are now Barney purple paw prints all over the house. FML

by Barney / 06/18/2011 at 12:10pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

by techiefIve / 06/14/2011 at 6:04am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, my manager told me to throw out some of the old toys at the daycare we work at. I can't because I've seen Toy Story 3, and thinking about them in a dump makes me cry. I'm 28. FML

by Stupid / 04/19/2011 at 10:29pm / United States / Work

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek

Today, I learned that I wasn't really allergic to chocolate. My parents made it up when I was a child because they didn't want me to get fat. FML

by wow / 11/25/2010 at 2:32am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2010 at 9:49am / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, at the Museum I volunteer at, I was touching some of the things in the exhibit where you can feel what natural boobs and testes feel like. I started rolling the "boob" like a stress ball and forgot where I was. When I realized people were staring, it became very awkward. FML

by latino / 11/11/2010 at 6:30am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

by tickyette / 09/14/2010 at 3:27am / United States / Love

Today, my family and I argued whether getting a period or boner in the middle of class was worse. At the dinner table. FML

by Me / 09/10/2010 at 1:30am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I thought it'd be hot to have it off on the golf course once it was dark. Who would've thought that sprinklers start up once it's pitch dark. I got a lot wetter than I thought I would. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2010 at 4:31am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, my two friends and I went to the movies. One of my friends brought my crush. They started making out, leaning over the armrest, until they were practically in my lap. Saliva got on my arm. FML

by someoneelsessaliva / 06/05/2010 at 2:59am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, a four pound can of tuna fell on my head at work, and it burst all over my clothes. Since I'm the manager, I had to stay all day reeking of tuna. Now I'm home, my damn cat won't leave me alone. FML

by Alpheas / 05/30/2010 at 1:12am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I spent all day and last night in the bathroom. The seafood I'd been keeping in the refrigerator apparently had gone bad, and is now intent on finding its every possible route to the Great Porcelain Whirlpool. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2010 at 4:44pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Health

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened I slipped and fell in the shower and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered "Well, she is masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!". FML

by notexactly / 12/28/2009 at 7:48pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML

by sickkid / 11/23/2009 at 1:05pm / United States (California) / Intimacy