Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

heyitsgreg

Search for a member

heyitsgreg
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 419
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

heyitsgreg's last visitors

fudgeramagreenie213vfloresmichman3030stephkristineIris_RusuFrostyKittenssamcro3

heyitsgreg's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

heyitsgreg's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to go to my daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with my husband when we arrived. Apparently I "died" recently and my daughter has had extra responsibility around the house, hence why she doesn't come to class. FML

#20154716
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25880) - you deserved it (1995)

On 11/08/2012 at 6:09am - kids - by Shauna (woman) - United States

Today, while walking on a nearly empty street, my friend dared me to slap a tall muscular chick on the butt and run away. I went and did it, but before I even had a chance to turn and run, she grabbed me, bent me over her knee and spanked me until I cried. My friend filmed it. FML

#20130842
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6467) - you deserved it (44526)

On 10/24/2012 at 1:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while I was using my computer, my cat ran up to the power strip, looked me in the eyes, and hit the power switch, turning everything off. She does this quite often. FML

#20116072
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19401) - you deserved it (3819)

On 10/14/2012 at 3:00am - animals - by stop it ninja - United States (Virginia)

Today, I brought my new puppy home. I saw her sniffing around, so I took her outside to do her business. She simply played in the grass for ten minutes, so I brought her in. She walked in the door, squatted, and shit. She has diarrhea. This is the fourth time today. FML

#20115908
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18442) - you deserved it (3168)

On 10/14/2012 at 12:39am - animals - by Patrick - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

#20115322
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23465) - you deserved it (3049)

On 10/13/2012 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

#20027548
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31977) - you deserved it (1528)

On 08/18/2012 at 1:15am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML

#19840334
496 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8314) - you deserved it (43064)

On 06/24/2012 at 5:45pm - kids - by :( (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

#19791702
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9390) - you deserved it (17615)

On 06/15/2012 at 10:21am - kids - by habbsrule - Canada

Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML

#19472995
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30027) - you deserved it (1826)

On 04/15/2012 at 2:43pm - intimacy - by jonasister (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML

#19285131
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23287) - you deserved it (6312)

On 03/15/2012 at 9:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

#19063795
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31338) - you deserved it (2172)

On 02/13/2012 at 7:03am - health - by loveinanelevator (man) -

Today, I came home to find that my mother had sold all my valuable collector coins for cheap at a local shady pawn shop to buy herself a TV. The coins in question were worth enough to start a business. FML

#18706154
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38356) - you deserved it (2408)

On 01/04/2012 at 1:30pm - money - by Ilostsomuch (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom used "happy Thanksgiving break" and "we sold your car" in the same sentence. FML

#18318800
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23992) - you deserved it (1938)

On 11/22/2011 at 5:36pm - misc - by laststand11 -

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML

#17751753
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29990) - you deserved it (4086)

On 09/15/2011 at 4:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: