heyguysitsjosh

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heyguysitsjosh

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1123
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About heyguysitsjosh : I hate drunks. I hate drug addicts. I hate swag fags. I have fairly low morals so I usually post what I want. I don't take anything on the internet seriously so don't try to hard to insult me. Happy Easter.

heyguysitsjosh's page activity

Visits<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 5:04pm<b>izkiz</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 7:48pm<b>Jackek</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 7:30am<b>KeanKdotz</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 3:58pm<b>JazzHandsFML</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 1:41pm<b>x_hero</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 8:09am<b>Agnesia</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 1:44pm<b>cassiecassie559</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 7:23am<b>ElinsVal</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 6:44pm<b>PurelyCanadian</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 9:04pm<b>randomgalzbo</b> - the 02/14/2014 at 7:21pm<b>hihello18</b> - the 02/10/2014 at 8:21am<b>patchesOhoolihan</b> - the 12/21/2013 at 10:22pm<b>guineagirl</b> - the 12/12/2013 at 6:30pm<b>b2514</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 10:09pm<b>neeni88</b> - the 01/28/2013 at 9:54am<b>theawkwardlife</b> - the 01/27/2013 at 4:33pm<b>MariJ82</b> - the 01/27/2013 at 3:17pm

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An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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heyguysitsjosh's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML

by me / 04/04/2013 at 4:07pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML

by anon / 11/10/2012 at 4:14pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

by Lunazel93 / 10/22/2012 at 12:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 12:03pm / Canada (Quebec) / Work

Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML

by ScaryBears / 10/08/2012 at 9:51pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 3:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I left my sunroof on my truck open for 5 minutes while I ran into the bank. When I came out a seagull had gotten into my truck. I managed to open the doors and get it out but not before it tore up a seat and pooped everywhere inside my truck. FML

by seagull hater / 07/09/2012 at 11:44am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

by NotGay / 06/16/2012 at 1:45am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

by creeped out / 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was using a public toilet when someone entered the stall next to mine. Instead of using the facilities, the person in there reached under the stall to steal my bag. Fortunately, I was holding the strap so they couldn't take it. Unfortunately, they decided to take my right shoe instead. FML

by fordneagles / 06/11/2012 at 1:56am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise. I stood up, took a moment to soak up some sunlight, and then spent the next hour too scared to go make my morning coffee, after my mother loudly moaned, "Ah yeah, give it to me, Woody!" from down the hall. FML

by huh / 06/02/2012 at 4:31pm / United Kingdom (South Ayrshire) / Intimacy

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2012 at 6:24am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy