Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

heyguysitsjosh

Search for a member

heyguysitsjosh

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 702
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About heyguysitsjosh : I hate drunks. I hate drug addicts. I hate swag fags. I have fairly low morals so I usually post what I want. I don't take anything on the internet seriously so don't try to hard to insult me. Happy Easter.

heyguysitsjosh's page activity

Visits<b>Agnesia</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 1:44pm<b>cassiecassie559</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 7:23am<b>ElinsVal</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 6:44pm<b>PurelyCanadian</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 9:04pm<b>randomgalzbo</b> - the 02/14/2014 at 7:21pm<b>hihello18</b> - the 02/10/2014 at 8:21am<b>patchesOhoolihan</b> - the 12/21/2013 at 10:22pm<b>guineagirl</b> - the 12/12/2013 at 6:30pm<b>b2514</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 10:09pm<b>neeni88</b> - the 01/28/2013 at 9:54am<b>theawkwardlife</b> - the 01/27/2013 at 4:33pm<b>MariJ82</b> - the 01/27/2013 at 3:17pm<b>His_Holiness</b> - the 01/27/2013 at 3:12pm<b>BostonBear</b> - the 01/27/2013 at 3:08pm<b>shorty6823</b> - the 01/27/2013 at 1:28pm<b>LardZilla</b> - the 12/21/2012 at 2:53pm<b>powerkeep</b> - the 11/29/2012 at 9:16am<b>barnee26</b> - the 11/08/2012 at 5:19pm

heyguysitsjosh's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of heyguysitsjosh's badges

heyguysitsjosh's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML

#20574865
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34086) - you deserved it (6003)

On 04/04/2013 at 4:07pm - misc - by me (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

#20533607
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55782) - you deserved it (14638)

On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

#20512577
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37641) - you deserved it (2995)

On 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML

#20157750
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25398) - you deserved it (1839)

On 11/10/2012 at 4:14pm - misc - by anon - United States (Washington)

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

#20127667
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28618) - you deserved it (1502)

On 10/22/2012 at 12:07am - work - by Lunazel93 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML

#20109009
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18208) - you deserved it (7080)

On 10/09/2012 at 12:03pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML

#20108200
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15344) - you deserved it (27182)

On 10/08/2012 at 9:51pm - kids - by ScaryBears (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

#20068526
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44582) - you deserved it (3889)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I left my sunroof on my truck open for 5 minutes while I ran into the bank. When I came out a seagull had gotten into my truck. I managed to open the doors and get it out but not before it tore up a seat and pooped everywhere inside my truck. FML

#19914260
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19817) - you deserved it (6499)

On 07/09/2012 at 11:44am - misc - by seagull hater - United States (California)

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

#19810073
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42923) - you deserved it (3925)

On 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

#19795313
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24030) - you deserved it (6643)

On 06/16/2012 at 1:45am - misc - by NotGay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

#19776975
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40828) - you deserved it (3871)

On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)

Today, I was using a public toilet when someone entered the stall next to mine. Instead of using the facilities, the person in there reached under the stall to steal my bag. Fortunately, I was holding the strap so they couldn't take it. Unfortunately, they decided to take my right shoe instead. FML

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise. I stood up, took a moment to soak up some sunlight, and then spent the next hour too scared to go make my morning coffee, after my mother loudly moaned, "Ah yeah, give it to me, Woody!" from down the hall. FML

#19721854
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27615) - you deserved it (2193)

On 06/02/2012 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by huh (woman) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

#19719748
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15014) - you deserved it (28424)

On 06/02/2012 at 6:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)



FML's blog

  • On FML, it's Halloween every day
  • As you know, we never pass up the chance to open up a light beer and plunge into the depths of the FML archive to come up with some sort of theme. Most holidays, national or otherwise, are pretty well represented.…

Friday 31 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: