Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

hermitknut

Online | Search for a member

hermitknut

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 9 November 1990 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 808
  • Number of comments : 82
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About hermitknut : I prefer to remain an enigma. >.> Nah, I have an LJ account and a twitter, same username. Userpic is by http://likealight.livejournal.com. Evening all.

hermitknut's page activity

Visits<b>michael3005</b> - the 01/17/2013 at 9:02pm<b>Casper19</b> - the 01/17/2013 at 10:36am<b>DooleyFTW</b> - the 01/06/2013 at 5:16am<b>Mornai</b> - the 09/21/2012 at 2:12am<b>missalice0306</b> - the 07/20/2012 at 9:05am<b>WutzButz</b> - the 02/21/2012 at 9:45pm

hermitknut's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of hermitknut's badges

hermitknut's favorite FMLs

Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML

Today, my new roommate told me he was bisexual. A little concerned, I opened up and told him that made me uncomfortable. His reply: "Oh don't worry, I'm only attracted to good looking guys." FML

#19232371
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12823) - you deserved it (45147)

On 03/07/2012 at 9:01am - misc - by Leland - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I'm forced to eat half a package of saltine crackers in my room for dinner. I can't go downstairs to the kitchen because my two roommates are going at it on our kitchen table. FML

#19091381
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27102) - you deserved it (3295)

On 02/16/2012 at 2:13am - intimacy - by robzzz (woman) - Canada

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

#18991669
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31467) - you deserved it (2755) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/04/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by DarkDolly - France

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML

#18772275
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13575) - you deserved it (32035)

On 01/11/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by bunnyluver4545 - United States (Texas)

Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML

#18531059
175 comments

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

#18501609
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25484) - you deserved it (15909)

On 12/13/2011 at 7:26am - love - by reallyman__639 - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I discovered that the word 'randy' means 'horny' in England. I'm going to England next semester to study abroad. My name is Randy. FML

#18444089
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43217) - you deserved it (4705)

On 12/06/2011 at 10:36am - intimacy - by ThisIsGonnaBeAwkward (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a guy lost control of his umbrella in the wind, which then hit me in the eye, making me bleed. He screamed at me for trying to steal his umbrella. People laughed. FML

#18386574
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31936) - you deserved it (1887)

On 11/29/2011 at 6:59pm - misc - by anon - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I have my first university lecture on lab safety. Having gone out the night before with my house-mates, I have the worst hangover of my life, and have to listen for an hour and a half while they loudly demonstrate the types of alarms we'll hear in different kinds of emergencies. FML

#18138100
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11841) - you deserved it (45286)

On 11/02/2011 at 12:39pm - misc - by ...loud noises...urgh... (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

#17589386
679 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30194) - you deserved it (49187)

On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States

Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML

#17121994
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26318) - you deserved it (4758)

On 07/15/2011 at 1:01pm - health - by beachbumb8538 - United States

Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

#16293589
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73315) - you deserved it (3783)

On 05/22/2011 at 5:31am - misc - by quickfingers100 - United Kingdom

Today, my "friend" told me I was weird and irritating. Yet she has an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter, hates people in general, and has a Facebook for her cat. Yeah, I'm the weird one. FML

#15931410
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34032) - you deserved it (7768)

On 04/26/2011 at 5:45am - animals - by weirdome23 (woman) - United States



FML's blog

  • On FML, it's Halloween every day
  • As you know, we never pass up the chance to open up a light beer and plunge into the depths of the FML archive to come up with some sort of theme. Most holidays, national or otherwise, are pretty well represented.…

Friday 31 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: