helloyoulizard

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helloyoulizard

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 483
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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helloyoulizard's page activity

Visits<b>anonymous188</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 9:19am<b>persianjr</b> - the 04/21/2013 at 2:23pm

helloyoulizard's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

helloyoulizard's favorite FMLs

Today, I came home and saw my cat all snuggled up with another cat on the sofa. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, until I remembered that I only have one cat. FML

by Anonymous / 06/28/2014 at 8:09pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML

by Respect101 / 06/25/2014 at 8:20pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

by fredfredburger / 06/25/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I went to a seamstress to be fitted for my wedding dress and left with a pierced nipple. FML

by pierced. / 06/25/2014 at 12:29am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on vacation, when a very cute guy starting talking to me and asked me what my name was. Overwhelmed and stressed out, I blurted out that I didn't have one. FML

by Boulette / 06/23/2014 at 1:44am / Love

Today, I had a job interview. It went really well until I couldn't figure out how to open the slide door to get out of the room. FML

by UnhappilyUnemployed / 06/16/2014 at 6:49pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, the girl who broke up with me and disappeared 6 years ago wished me a happy Father's Day. FML

by IneedMaury / 06/16/2014 at 11:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend sent me a text message confessing that she's been cheating on me. Apparently she regretted telling me the truth, because when I confronted her face-to-face, she claimed her roommate had sent it as a prank. She doesn't have a roommate. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2014 at 2:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I took some heavy pain medication before calling my boyfriend. I don't remember the call, but apparently confessed to really liking corn, and faking orgasms. FML

by Screwed / 06/07/2014 at 9:31am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML

by FMyBrain / 06/06/2014 at 5:26pm / United States (Alaska) / Health

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

by Zekrome / 05/05/2014 at 3:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my coworkers decided to throw me a surprise baby shower. I'm not pregnant. FML

by fat girl / 04/29/2014 at 6:58pm / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

by Ow / 04/18/2014 at 7:09am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, it was my first ever live piano performance. It went all great until the end, when I stood up, slipped, and smashed face-first into the keys. I've lost half a tooth and all my dignity. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2014 at 2:45pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Health

Today, a bee flew into my classroom and landed on my cheek. Not only am I allergic to these things, I was hit in the face with a textbook to "make sure it's dead." FML

by shabowbow / 03/27/2014 at 2:14pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.