About heartsnstars : most of the time I'm hyper
Mobility
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Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39997) - you deserved it (4485)
On 05/13/2013 at 5:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56784) - you deserved it (3496)
On 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by more than I wanted to know (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)
Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40960) - you deserved it (7935)
On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45045) - you deserved it (15811)
On 05/12/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by peallow (woman) - Puerto Rico
Today, my stalker ex girlfriend turned up at my wedding, uninvited, wearing a wedding dress. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69085) - you deserved it (4183)
On 05/11/2013 at 2:25am - love - by tdrtnlz - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)
Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50525) - you deserved it (5100)
On 05/10/2013 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45608) - you deserved it (5565)
On 05/09/2013 at 9:41pm - kids - by brokedad - United States
Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52404) - you deserved it (3617)
On 05/08/2013 at 10:44am - intimacy - by oops - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41576) - you deserved it (3616)
On 05/07/2013 at 3:07pm - misc - by babs (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML
I agree, your life sucks (39714) - you deserved it (6480)
On 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by stretchy - United States (Maryland)
Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40849) - you deserved it (5330)
On 05/06/2013 at 4:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55119) - you deserved it (4751)
On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States
Today, I was at my aunt and uncle's house. I went to the bathroom and after I washed my hands, I took a Q-tip out of the carton to clean my ears. When I reached for a second one, I noticed that every Q-tip in the carton was actually already used. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39904) - you deserved it (6508)
On 05/05/2013 at 7:10pm - health - by grossed out - United States (Illinois)
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
I agree, your life sucks (57181) - you deserved it (8122)
On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52500) - you deserved it (2705)
On 05/03/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands
Monday 20 May 2013
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