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heartless

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  • Number of visits : 22126
  • Number of comments : 23
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About heartless : GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR COOKIES

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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heartless's favorite FMLs

Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML

#20752684
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48488) - you deserved it (6902)

On 06/28/2013 at 3:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML

#19455929
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14534) - you deserved it (34469)

On 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

#19289453
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21652) - you deserved it (11892)

On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML

#18406735
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44037) - you deserved it (3318)

On 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm - health - by unknown52 - Netherlands (Overijssel)

Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML

#17839569
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20505) - you deserved it (44503)

On 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by BigBananaLover - United States (California)

Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML

#16943359
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33064) - you deserved it (3198)

On 07/02/2011 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

#15934305
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44764) - you deserved it (5615)

On 04/26/2011 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by Scarlett - United States (Washington)

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

#15627116
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46858) - you deserved it (13880)

On 04/03/2011 at 9:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

#15415559
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37192) - you deserved it (31513)

On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

#14806356
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43321) - you deserved it (7936)

On 02/02/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by Malakai - United States

Today, my mother told me to 'quit having a pity party'. I was just diagnosed with depression. I've lost my boyfriend, my job, my academic standing, and I just got rejected from every graduate school I applied for. And my mother thinks I'm a cry baby. Great. FML

#14394267
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35919) - you deserved it (7413)

On 12/30/2010 at 10:06am - health - by depressednupset (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my mother told me to 'quit having a pity party'. I was just diagnosed with depression. I've lost my boyfriend, my job, my academic standing, and I just got rejected from every graduate school I applied for. And my mother thinks I'm a cry baby. Great. FML

#14394267
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35919) - you deserved it (7413)

On 12/30/2010 at 10:06am - health - by depressednupset (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out that I have a gluten allergy. What this basically means is that I can't eat anything with wheat in it; bread, pasta, cake, you name it. I am Italian, this basically limits me from eating any of the awesome food my family makes almost every night. Here I come plain rice. FML

#13531568
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32819) - you deserved it (2799)

On 10/20/2010 at 11:12pm - health - by allergic - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went over to my friend's house. Her 5 year old son answered the door and when he saw me said, 'oh great, it's YOU' and slammed the door in my face. FML

#13300010
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24780) - you deserved it (4492)

On 10/03/2010 at 3:40am - kids - by notyouagain (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went over to my friend's house. Her 5 year old son answered the door and when he saw me said, 'oh great, it's YOU' and slammed the door in my face. FML

#13300010
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24780) - you deserved it (4492)

On 10/03/2010 at 3:40am - kids - by notyouagain (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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