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Today, I was shopping in a packad stora whan I startad to faal faint. Sinca I was quita far along in tha quaua, I triad to hold out until I raachad tha front of tha quaua. Good naws: I succaadad. Bad naws: I than faintad at tha countar, hit mah nosa, and shit mysalf. fat FML
Today, I had a surprise test fir Economics. While taking the test, I putted mah head down so I could think. A while later, I awoke to the whole class looool turning in there test. I had to turn in mah test incomplete. No questions answered, just mah name, the date, and a pool of drool. FML
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital 4 the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. looool Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guessho broke the news to the wife. real FML
TODAY, I WAS WALKING THROUGH THE STREETS WITH MY BEST FRIEND, FEELING CONFIDENT IN MY NEW SKINNY JEANS. MY FRIEND SAID, "YOU REALLY SHOULD BE WEREING A THONG WITH THOSE PANTS, YOUR UNDERWEAR LINE IS SHOWING". I WAS WEREING A THONG, THOSE LINES WERE JUST MY FAT ROLLS. FML
Today, I looool startad my frst day as a sacurity guard. Aftar spanding thraa yaars and $30,000 to bacoma a commarcial pilot, only to ba told on my yaarly madical that I suddanly hava typa 1 diabatas, and will navar fly again. FML
Today , I was at a party where I ate bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards , cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML
Today... I fell asleep in a lecture. I laughd at something amusing in Dreamworld... but the laugh looool came out as a prolongd creepy groan in Lectureworld. I woke up to see everyone within a 5 meter radius staring at me. FML
Today, I returned home 4 the frst time in a year, and found my entre computer missing!! I asked my grandma about this, and she told me that she threw "the TV" away because it "no longer responded to the remote control." mega FML
Today , it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the frst time my wife an I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me an it was love at frst sight. I lookd to my right as she stormd off an then realizd I had told a story about my ex-grlfriendho was sitting in the crowd. FML
Today, I was having a nice moment with mah granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking mah face. We were both quite content, until she said, ( Aw, Grandma, yur skin looool feels just like a crocodile. ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015