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harry01_

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harry01_

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harry01_'s favorite FMLs

Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML

#20628087
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53203) - you deserved it (6554)

On 04/28/2013 at 4:44pm - money - by a tad whipped (man) - Australia

Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML

#20625733
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38530) - you deserved it (23550)

On 04/27/2013 at 6:05pm - work - by naps aren't what they used to be (man) - United States

Today, at work, I was screamed at and slapped by a woman for supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality, I'd simply turned her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowed number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML

#20623583
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46284) - you deserved it (3075)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:03pm - work - by fuck you walmart (woman) - United States

Today, I was denounced for being a terrible person, because my family raises chickens, some of which we eat. I was then told how cruel I am for "killing innocent birds" and that "good" people buy their meat from the supermarket. FML

#20623167
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46354) - you deserved it (2787)

On 04/26/2013 at 2:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Mexico (Baja California)

Today, I was driving and a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me he was admiring my truck. This is the 5th time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML

#20622946
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45515) - you deserved it (7140)

On 04/26/2013 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML

Today, I was driving when I noticed that the guy in front was on the phone. I pulled up next to him, pulled out my phone and I made a gesture that he needed to put his phone away. It was a cop. I got a ticket for driving while on my cell phone. FML

#20621724
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38749) - you deserved it (31312)

On 04/25/2013 at 8:56pm - money - by really_now - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML

#20620574
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52886) - you deserved it (14163)

On 04/25/2013 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was tutoring a band member. Whenever I ask him to play a D or any D scale, he stops just to snicker and say, "Ha ha. D." He still sucks. I hate his guts. FML

#20620228
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37785) - you deserved it (5108)

On 04/25/2013 at 3:55am - work - by justgivemethed - United States (California)

Today, my new landlord and lettings agent made an illegal entry into my house. Unfortunately, at the time my boyfriend was buck naked, smoking a joint on the sofa, surrounded by the cats we aren't supposed to have. FML

#20620173
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29450) - you deserved it (43302)

On 04/25/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by goingtobeevicted - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

#20620111
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63925) - you deserved it (13391)

On 04/25/2013 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Live Sweet -

Today, while grocery shopping, I was having such terrible abdominal pains I could hardly walk. As I'm 8 months pregnant, I told my husband we should head home. He thought a better idea was to run through the store and hide from me, hoping to induce labor by making me chase him. FML

#20619241
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46629) - you deserved it (3894)

On 04/24/2013 at 8:18pm - misc - by pregz (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

#20619233
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29124) - you deserved it (13654)

On 04/24/2013 at 8:16pm - misc - by public pooper - United States

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

#20618965
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49049) - you deserved it (27621)

On 04/24/2013 at 6:29pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

#20618791
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59346) - you deserved it (4420)

On 04/24/2013 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by awkward O_o - United States (Minnesota)



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