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Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML
Today, my best friend was texting me about her sick dog. She wrote "Do you think she will get better?", so I wrote "I hope she does". It wasn't until later that I realized I accidentally wrote "I hope she dies" instead. FML
Today, I went through the Taco Bell drive through. The lady at the window handed me my food and receipt. In a moment of insanity, I threw the receipt at the cashier and yelled "WOOHOO." I attempted to burn rubber and get the hell out of dodge, only to remember my car was in park. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML
Today, I was told to shovel four inches of snow from my driveway. I had to get the snow shovel from the rafters of my garage, and there were other tools with it. As I was yanking the shovel down, a pickax fell and smashed through the back window of my dad's Buick. FML
Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML
Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML
Today, I had given up on finding my makeup bag with cell phone and iPod my mom had bought for me recently. So I went to art to join the group of girls with whom I share the back art studio of my school. One of them was talking about how she'd ripped off some bitch's stuff, and she held up my bag. FML
Friday 22 May 2015