Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

hammertime217

Search for a member

hammertime217

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1147
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

hammertime217's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:18pm<b>prplr</b> - the 09/02/2009 at 4:59pm<b>Us3rNam3</b> - the 09/02/2009 at 11:33am

hammertime217's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

hammertime217's favorite FMLs

Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing he replied "well I was looking for your boobs but apparently you have none" FML

#544318
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94332) - you deserved it (8205)

On 03/22/2009 at 11:18pm - intimacy - by tinytitty (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my school handed out the new yearbook. I was so excited to be on the cover page in a group shot with all my friends until I realized that I was having a boner at the time the pic was taken. These books go out to the whole school. Everyone noticed. FML

#537010
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85955) - you deserved it (18740)

On 03/22/2009 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by caughtontape - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was excited to go to school because it was my 18th birthday. I walk in, and see a huge sign that says "Happy Birthday Katie! Love, Your Love." I ran up to my boyfriend of 4 years and thanked him. He responded with "It's your birthday?" The sign was for a Katie two grades lower than me. FML

#449459
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67255) - you deserved it (4163)

On 03/18/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by MyB-Day (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, our school had tryouts for chorus. Everybody sang a snippet of the song together until the teacher stopped us, saying it sounded awful. He singled me out and told me to sing alone. After I sang the part, he said, "Son, your gift to God will be silence." FML

#420059
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66808) - you deserved it (7067)

On 03/17/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Sebastian (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, is my 16th birthday. Thinking that my parents would be out of town for it like they had every other year, I decided it would be fun to tan nude in my backyard. Apparantly my parents set up a surprise party for my sweet 16. I was standing naked infront of half my school. FML

#385817
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (113764) - you deserved it (43020)

On 03/16/2009 at 4:51pm - misc - by badbirthday (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

#360907
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71614) - you deserved it (16564)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by hala (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML

#339773
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (118375) - you deserved it (7856)

On 03/15/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by Alexa23 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML

#333787
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76284) - you deserved it (39439)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:45am - intimacy - by 12incher (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

#247252
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54840) - you deserved it (11681)

On 03/08/2009 at 10:53pm - kids - by monty (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was in the bank with my seven year old daughter, when I saw an old high school friend of mine with his wife. I said hello, and he commented on how beautiful my little girl was. I thanked him, and as I turned away, I heard his wife say "I guess the father must be the good looking one." FML

#187755
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52926) - you deserved it (2321)

On 03/02/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by lexibabe (woman) - United States

Today, I was eating nacho chips with my nieces when I started to feel that some were wet. I look at my niece and notice she was sucking on the chips, and putting them back in the bag. FML

#169067
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48199) - you deserved it (6338)

On 03/01/2009 at 9:14am - kids - by Aliya (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

#154710
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54981) - you deserved it (6213)

On 02/27/2009 at 5:58pm - kids - by stpry of my life (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

#142269
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41804) - you deserved it (25183)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:08am - kids - by iailwkrb (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

#135663
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22482) - you deserved it (35166)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:29pm - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (Virginia)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: