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halfprincess's favorite FMLs
Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML
by kingpin7 / 03/30/2011 at 12:43am / United States / Intimacy
by Johntheladdo / 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML
by screwed / 12/22/2010 at 12:56pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by SMS123 / 06/25/2010 at 3:42pm / United States / Love
Today, I woke up at 3am because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2010 at 8:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/08/2009 at 7:10am / Norway (Rogaland) / Work
Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad boy who has to grab the leading lady's ass, who then slaps me in the face. The ass grab was done in one take. The slap required 14 takes. FML
by Anonymous / 12/02/2009 at 6:29pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was holding my baby daughter during a checkup. To reassure her, I was kissing the back of her head while the Dr. was checking her hearing. After a few minutes, I realized the Dr. had put his hand to steady her head. I was kissing his hand. FML
by smoochie / 08/01/2009 at 5:37pm / Miscellaneous
Today, my family took me to a wig store saying I wouldn't feel so insecure about being bald because of my chemo treatments. When I told them I accepted myself and didn't want a wig, they came out and told me THEY couldn't accept it. My own family is embarrassed of me over something I can't control. FML
by Betrayed / 07/31/2009 at 5:35am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/22/2009 at 9:32am / Singapore / Kids
Today, I was working at a local restaurant when another server's table called me over to ask if I've "ever killed anybody". They informed me I looked like a serial killer. I informed them, of course, that I have never killed anybody. Another customer claimed I scared her child. I was fired. FML
by Bob / 04/14/2009 at 2:13am / United States (Kansas) / Work
Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML
by Creep / 03/27/2009 at 8:24pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity filled. As she's drilling into my tooth, I feel the drill slip, and then she quickly stuffs gauze into my mouth. She nervously laughs and says to me "Wow! You must really be numb!" FML
by Noname / 03/06/2009 at 5:20pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health
Today, my best friend who I have been secretly in love with forever, was ranting about her ex-girlfriend. Then she said : "If only you were gay, we'd be perfect for each other." So I took the chance to tell her I was. She responded : "Well I am still not attracted to you though." FML
by alone_forever / 03/04/2009 at 4:03pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
by Duckie W / 02/12/2009 at 8:24pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…