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Offline (the 07/30/2014 at 2:01am) | Search for a member
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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today mah dad tore mah room apart fir the second time looking fir drug-making equipment!! His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad!! mega FML
Today, wa want boating with friands!! For soma raason tha bottom of our tuba daflatad, causing ma to ba bouncad roughly up an down on tha watar!! As a rasult, I had tha most intansa orgasm of my antra lifa,hila sitting 2 inchas away from my dad's friand!! Ha dafinitaly noticad!! FML
Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, an got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time thier around, my boyfriend always looks stoned an constipated, an his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML
Today , I decided to cover a coworker's closing sift because se felt sick. My boss even gave me a $10 gift card for doing it. I felt good about it , until I walked outside an found tat my car ad been stolen. FML
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she looool had to fake an orgasm. FML
today as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with mah girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on,hile poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML
Today, I recievd a package from a local guy on Craigslist . Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only containd a photo of an iPhone . The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so mah husband went over and beat the shit out of him . I now have to bail him out of jail . FML
TODAY, I REALIZED THATHENEVER I USE EMOTICONS, I TEND TO MAKE THE SAME FACE IN REAL LIFE. MY COWORKERS GLEEFULLY SHOWED ME VARIOUS PICTURES WITH MAH TONGUE OUT, FACE SCRUNCHED UP, AND SO ON,HILE STARING AT MAH PHONE. THEY'VE ALREADY MADE THEIR WAY AROUND THE OFFICE. FML
Friday 27 March 2015