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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1007
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About habez : Hey, and I'm not a human, I'm a unicorn!!!!!

habez's page activity

Visits<b>andyhitts25</b> - the 01/14/2014 at 1:54pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 12/29/2013 at 8:30pm<b>Tommiix</b> - the 12/01/2013 at 10:30pm

habez's FML badges


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habez's favorite FMLs

Today, I have been home sick and depressed for so long that I just found Oreo crumbs in my belly button. FML

by Sadness / 10/07/2013 at 2:55pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I repeatedly had to ask people to please stop groping the mannequins. FML

by WhyMe6495 / 10/06/2013 at 6:28pm / United States (New York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my paranoia got so bad that I had to physically restrain myself from aggressively confronting the kid walking behind me on the sidewalk. FML

by Angrily Paranoid / 10/06/2013 at 1:29am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my 6-year-old daughter threw a tantrum in the middle of a store, all because I wouldn't buy her a pushup bra. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 12:44am / United States / Kids

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2013 at 7:36pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

Today, a cute guy ditched his date and walked up to me, calling me beautiful. Not knowing how to reply, I just blushed. His date got angry and left. "Sorry. I take that back," he then said. "I was just trying to get rid of her. Thanks anyway." FML

by okaythen / 10/04/2013 at 5:37am / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Love

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

by Kyra.45 / 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, at work, I was taking a woman's measurements while she held her screaming baby. To silence the infant, she whipped out her breast right there and started feeding him. Moments later, he puked breast milk all over my desk. FML

by blargh / 10/03/2013 at 1:39pm / Russian Federation (Moscow City) / Work

Today, I got kicked out of English class shortly after our teacher told us we have to write an essay on how the storyline of Harry Potter is one big allegory for "the futility of socialism." Apparently, reacting with disbelief makes me a "disruptive influence." FML

by WTF? / 10/03/2013 at 12:42pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandmother convinced me to come to a church meeting with her. My grandmother then made funny faces at me while the pastor was speaking, causing me to laugh out loud. Everyone heard me, including the pastor. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2013 at 1:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm in a military academy with a strict no alcohol policy. My friends drunk call me practically every night to tell me how much fun they are having. FML

by sober judge / 10/02/2013 at 11:46pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, my teacher was talking about anorexia and bulimia. Midway through the lesson, she stopped and knowingly asked if I wanted to share my experiences with the class. I don't have an eating disorder, just a screwed-up metabolism. FML

by 94lbs of muscle / 10/02/2013 at 2:37pm / Health

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

by fed up/turned off / 10/02/2013 at 1:47am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML

by Ggirl / 10/01/2013 at 3:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy