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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I went out to eat dinner with my family to celebrate my 18th birthday. I playfully put 3 looool straws between my knuckles to make myself look like Wolverine. I turned to my 6 year old nephew and ask, "Who am I?" He then replied with, "An idiot." real FML
2day I was sitting at te park wit a frienden a small cild approacd us. Just as movd off te bridge to let te kid play, e askd if I would like to play te troll under te bridge. I laugd and said no tanks, toic te kid respondd 'but tere is nobody else ugly enoug.
Taday mah five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Beho you want to be B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turnd to me and said "Mom I want to be a hooker." FML
yesterday looool I was helping a couple come up with a name fir the baby they just had . I suggested "Joshua" thinking that it was an okay name . All sudden.. . the room got quiet . Turns out I had forgotten that Joshua was the name of thier 3 year old son who had died a couple months before . mega FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my wife. We were having a nice time when a man came up to me. He said, "Hey! Bill how are you?" I wasn't really sure, so bieng polite I said, "I'm sorry, I can't remember your name." He frowned and walked away. It was my company's Chairman of the Board.
Today, I was in the cafeteriahen I noticed a new worker cleaning a table!! As I passed her, she looked up an smiled at me!! Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes an smiled back!! She looked hurt an continued working!! Later, she served me my lunch!! She was actually cross-eyed!!
2day I hered my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door... "Are u jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up u fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
Taday mah crush was walking up to me an I puttd mah earphone in... playing hard to get. When I heard him say something about a date I take an earphone out an say... "Oh... I didn't see you there!" His response... "They're not connectd to anything..." holds up the end of mah earphone an walks away. FML
TODAY, AFTER MASTURBATING IN THE SHOWER, I HEARD MAH PHONE GO OFF OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM . AFTER MAH MOM SAW ME GET MAH PHONE TO CHECK MAH MESSAGES SHE SAID "I THINK YOUR ADDICTED TO THAT", TOHICH I SAID "BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD AND EVERY GUY DOES IT." SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW I TEXT PEOPLE A LOT . FML
Taday my cousin and I found out that when a grl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair. mega FML
Today , I was on the phone with my best guy friend , who I have loved 4 yeres. I was talking about school an all of a sudden he said "I love you." I flipped out saying "Oh my god , oh my god. I love you , too!" He responded with "what?" He was talking to his mom , who was walking out the door. FML
TODAY I WAS PARTNERD WITH THIS REALLY SEXY GUY FIR AN AUDITION. HE SAYS "AM I REALLY STUCK WITH YOU? I CAN'T EVEN STAND BEING SEEN WITH U IN PUBLIC!" I START CURSING HIM OUT REALLY LOUD BUT THEN I REALIZE THAT HE'S ONLY READING THE SCRIPT. EVERYONE WAS STARING AND HE CALLD ME A CRAZY BITCH. FML
Friday 27 March 2015