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gtdp38's favorite FMLs
by Taylor / 04/21/2014 at 12:04am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
by Ow / 04/18/2014 at 7:09am / United States (Arizona) / Health
Today, I talked to my husband about his lack of interest in sex. Apparently his definition is polar to mine; his is along the lines of cuddling. Not only did I wait until marriage to have sex with this man, apparently he prefers a permanent roommate without benefits. FML
by OverIt / 02/25/2014 at 5:24pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking home, when a car heading the other way hit a traffic cone. I must have been an asshole in a previous life, because the universe decided to make sure the cone flew into the side of my head. The bystanders were shocked for all of two seconds before laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 02/22/2014 at 4:02pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was chilling out with my friend in a parking lot, when a police officer came up to the vehicle and suspiciously asked what we were up to. My friend sarcastically said, "Uh, doing drugs? Planning a drive-by? Haha!" We soon found ourselves in the back of a cop car. FML
by Cuntface McGee / 02/21/2014 at 4:37pm / Romania (Cluj) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML
by BakedBat / 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML
by norina / 02/11/2014 at 5:01am / Work
Today, I was waiting in line at a clothes store when someone cut in in front of me, and the gentlemen in front of me. I shouted, "Hey! Queue starts back here!". He responded by pointing out the "gentlemen" in front was actually a very realistic mannequin. FML
by QueueJumper / 02/10/2014 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
by innocent / 01/06/2014 at 4:32pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
by laurenasabutton / 12/30/2013 at 8:07am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Health
by LeaveHimAlone / 12/29/2013 at 11:23pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by RustyRuski / 12/29/2013 at 5:58pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love
by anon / 12/27/2013 at 2:28am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
by good friend / 12/27/2013 at 1:35am / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a 70-mile drive to the next town over to finally meet this beautiful girl I had talked to online. To my surprise, she looked exactly how she did in her pictures, minus the ring on her finger and the fiancé who wanted to punch me in the face. FML
by William Johnson / 12/26/2013 at 6:57pm / United States (Alaska) / Love
- Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom,… Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until… Today, I went to my girlfriend's house. She had promised me we'd get it on so I couldn't wait. When…
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…