As the world turns, I spread like germs.
Don't hate, procreate
greenmanjohnson@yahoo.com
Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that second hand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45450) - you totally deserved it (1564)
On 04/24/2009 at 6:23pm - health - by whatthehell (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got pulled over while dancing to crazy techno beats in the car. The officer RAN out of his car and up to mine and pounded on my window. He thought I was having a seizure. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30134) - you totally deserved it (11328)
On 04/24/2009 at 4:10pm - misc - by bdutton (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then proceeded to take a long shower, clean up my room, get dressed, and eat breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30376) - you totally deserved it (23577)
On 04/24/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by vinniesuckmadack (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship. She said I was too adorable to take seriously in bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (85115) - you totally deserved it (4992)
On 03/26/2009 at 12:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for the first time for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there". Long awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20199) - you totally deserved it (81310)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my parents won't stop bragging about how my sister is dating the captain of her high school football team. I just got accepted to law school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (78905) - you totally deserved it (2415)
On 03/20/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by HatesTheLaw (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance. It's one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I'm waiting in his driveway with balloons I see his car reverse and go the other direction. FML
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On 03/17/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by SmileEveryday (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I had a gymnastics meet. I thought I was done with my period, but when I was up on the beam warming up my routine, one of my coaches called me down and told me that I apparently wasn't. My coach goes around asking my teammates moms if they had any pads. My dad caught this all on tape. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51770) - you totally deserved it (4221)
On 03/17/2009 at 4:35pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was walking to school and decided to be a good citizen by picking up a beer can on the sidewalk. I then walked on to my school's campus where I then got suspended by my dean for "trying to rebel", grounded by my parents for getting suspended, and an MIP from the school's police guard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48586) - you totally deserved it (5397)
On 03/11/2009 at 1:04am - misc - by fmlmylife - United States (Texas)
Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56639) - you totally deserved it (4570)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by missy (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my dad and a construction worker were having a long talk. I heard the door slam, and assumed that this worker had left. So I yelled out "Hey dad what were you talking about? Did you talk slowly so the idiot could understand?" Turns out my dad was the one who had walked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3267) - you totally deserved it (39040)
On 03/05/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by anashaalmajiid (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8123) - you totally deserved it (104130)
On 03/04/2009 at 8:13pm - health - by sheyo (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56797) - you totally deserved it (17595)
On 03/03/2009 at 5:14pm - intimacy - by camp (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML
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On 03/02/2009 at 4:51pm - love - by ohmygoodness (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my roommate and I finally got fed up with this increasingly, horrible stench that has been in our apartment for a few days now. Leaving it for our other roommates to handle, we selfishly left to get yogurtland. Moments later, we both expressed that we haven't seen our cat in a while. FML
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On 03/02/2009 at 4:32pm - misc - by pacificbeach - United States (California)
