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greengoose

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greengoose
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  • Number of visits : 229
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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greengoose's favorite FMLs

Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML

#3268493 (298)

I agree, your life sucks (92977) - you deserved it (5800)

On 06/27/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

#3262847 (372)

I agree, your life sucks (5861) - you deserved it (83698)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my boss in my police dept. told me to start enforcing the "no bikes on sidewalks" law which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with down syndrome who was so upset he cried and peed. FML

#1873623 (270)

I agree, your life sucks (57934) - you deserved it (9305)

On 05/12/2009 at 2:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to my new job at a pre-school. I was really excited because everything was going so well, and a little boy even said he was drawing a picture of me. He even gave it to me when he was finished. Well it was me, but I was also on fire and being stabbed and shot multiple times. FML

#1127830 (163)

I agree, your life sucks (47510) - you deserved it (2236)

On 04/19/2009 at 7:07pm - work - by guessimdead (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML

#981592 (250)

I agree, your life sucks (77959) - you deserved it (29143)

On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

#904646 (423)

I agree, your life sucks (173035) - you deserved it (21501)

On 04/10/2009 at 5:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

#853708 (245)

I agree, your life sucks (77178) - you deserved it (20170)

On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

#587218 (93)

I agree, your life sucks (70239) - you deserved it (7189)

On 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm - work - by mrWrong (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

#527563 (358)

I agree, your life sucks (122955) - you deserved it (19409)

On 03/22/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Malta

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

#459087 (291)

I agree, your life sucks (20956) - you deserved it (75639)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by JohnMackSquirts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant, I'd forgotten my glasses and had a migraine. I was straining my eyes, squinting and rubbing my temples to alleviate my migraine. I was kicked out of the restaurant and banned henceforth because my waitress thought I was mocking her eyes. FML

#433810 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (66426) - you deserved it (7700)

On 03/18/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by lemonjuice (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied "oh I usually come early." She laughed. FML

#379796 (121)

I agree, your life sucks (44542) - you deserved it (25594)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:40pm - misc - by SmoothTalker (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp, I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest. Another female co-worker tapped me on the shoulder to show that the TV was still connected to the camera. Parents, kids, and instructors all witnessed it. FML

#310419 (82)

I agree, your life sucks (9247) - you deserved it (92266)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:06pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

#217290 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (17511) - you deserved it (95350)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:33pm - health - by ubbernoob (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

#159589 (177)

I agree, your life sucks (13291) - you deserved it (66312)

On 02/28/2009 at 5:59am - kids - by tryena (woman) - United States (Idaho)



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