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Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Judgmental
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Today, I found out that the noise I thought was a mouse in my room was a water bottle shaking when my refrigerator turned on. I stayed up till 4am looking for a mouse that didn't exist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13863) - you deserved it (31356)
On 04/26/2009 at 11:13am - animals - by alikat (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was running the register at my work and this big lady pulls her wad of cash out of her bra and hands it to me. The bills she handed me were moist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66836) - you deserved it (2436)
On 04/21/2009 at 2:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, my mom made me clean. I was dusting in the living room and heard gunshots outside the apartment. I dove on the floor and started crying and screaming. My mom walked in and informed me that the sound was her making popcorn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9990) - you deserved it (50968)
On 04/21/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by Chelsea (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (550959) - you deserved it (35391)
On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31126) - you deserved it (100349)
On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46783) - you deserved it (127918)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7582) - you deserved it (70344)
On 04/05/2009 at 10:22pm - love - by Triedtobecool (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (327201) - you deserved it (45351)
On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (199667) - you deserved it (58893)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (162941) - you deserved it (22128)
On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (189380) - you deserved it (21125)
On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (527268) - you deserved it (319839)
On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (55611) - you deserved it (324337)
On 02/26/2009 at 10:30am - work - by Noname - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (408698) - you deserved it (26497)
On 02/13/2009 at 10:54am - intimacy - by The Sbeak (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Monday 20 May 2013
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