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greasygoafer's FML badges
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greasygoafer's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/06/2011 at 12:10am / United States / Intimacy
by everfresh / 01/26/2011 at 5:38am / Finland (Western Finland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 9:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I spent two hours making a cake that I'd promised my class for weeks. I boarded the train to school, but soon dozed off. A few minutes later, I awoke with a start and noticed a chunk of the cake missing and a homeless man next to me with frosting around his mouth. FML
by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 7:28pm / United Kingdom / Transportation
Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
by flying13 / 11/03/2010 at 3:27am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the cracks. I quickly looked away, and about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML
by Anonymous / 09/25/2010 at 11:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by sleepwalker / 09/14/2010 at 2:32pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML
by Scaryman / 02/20/2010 at 7:03pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, during a review session for a botany class, I began to space out. Then, I started to go, "beep, beep, beep, beep." I stopped when I noticed the entire class staring at me as if I were insane. This was not the first time this had happened. FML
by Anonymous / 12/10/2009 at 4:29am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML
by ohhhgross / 10/26/2009 at 2:32pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by ripfluffy / 09/28/2009 at 3:15am / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, while brushing my teeth my 5 year old son walks into the bathroom. He gave me a mean look and said, "That Sammy's toothbrush, not yours." I have been brushing my teeth with the dog's toothbrush for two months now. FML
by bigdaddy / 09/25/2009 at 11:01am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…
- Today, I was in a taxi in Mexico. The driver got fed up with the traffic and decided to cross the… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my…