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greasygoafer's FML badges
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greasygoafer's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML
by danii / 10/03/2011 at 9:19pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that it has been so long since my wife and I were intimate that I got slightly turned on watching her suck the meat off chicken wings. I'm jealous of fried, sauce-soaked poultry. FML
by therevsev / 10/02/2011 at 2:05am / United States / Intimacy
by anonymous / 10/01/2011 at 10:18am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by funnymanjoe / 09/14/2011 at 7:06am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
by IbetIgotAIDS / 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML
by moonstone15 / 08/05/2011 at 8:24pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by ugh / 06/14/2011 at 1:56pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by scarred4life / 04/27/2011 at 10:05am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
by sore / 04/19/2011 at 6:03am / Ireland (Limerick) / Animals
by notagoodsign / 02/28/2011 at 5:55am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Love
Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2011 at 12:15pm / Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen) / Intimacy
by nomoreart / 02/08/2011 at 7:30pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…