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Mobility
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Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16083) - you deserved it (25758)
On 01/15/2013 at 2:33am - animals - by I think its dead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28592) - you deserved it (2591)
On 01/14/2013 at 9:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28901) - you deserved it (5481)
On 01/13/2013 at 11:49pm - animals - by Abendigo77 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36410) - you deserved it (1026)
On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (15953) - you deserved it (28339)
On 01/12/2013 at 3:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34345) - you deserved it (3681)
On 01/11/2013 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24372) - you deserved it (1625)
On 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm - kids - by Grant - United States
Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42561) - you deserved it (3345)
On 01/09/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by kk - United States
Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12782) - you deserved it (22597)
On 01/07/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by EffUrEll - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I started charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognized my iPhone as an MP3 player and started playing the audio from the porn video I watched before we left. Everybody heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8319) - you deserved it (26117)
On 01/05/2013 at 11:16am - misc - by anonymous - United States
Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7547) - you deserved it (14058)
On 01/05/2013 at 10:59am - misc - by nomegusta (woman) - United States
Today, I went to take a shower. Afterwards, I noticed I'd forgotten to bring a shirt to change into, so I put on a towel and went back to my room, only to witness my 14-year-old brother and a friend smelling my bra, commenting on "how warm it is". FML
I agree, your life sucks (21916) - you deserved it (1327)
On 01/03/2013 at 3:35pm - kids - by PrezKisame (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me by writing on my bathroom mirror in Sharpie. What did he write? "Hi, I'm Emily. I'm fat, ugly, and now single." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42779) - you deserved it (2901)
On 01/03/2013 at 1:42am - love - by Emily (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9968) - you deserved it (30462)
On 01/02/2013 at 12:33pm - health - by Embarrassed - United States
Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34015) - you deserved it (1329)
On 01/02/2013 at 5:31am - love - by alynna007 (woman) - United States (Washington)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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