About golferman72 : I read FML every day when I am bored
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golferman72's favorite FMLs
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
by traumatized / 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by damn / 04/09/2014 at 5:12pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML
by Brody89 / 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML
by richard / 03/21/2014 at 12:10pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by KEA_08 / 03/20/2014 at 1:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by needsnewshorts / 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by tinypenis / 06/04/2013 at 8:15am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/31/2013 at 12:20am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML
by Sonofa / 05/17/2013 at 11:52am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
by more than I wanted to know / 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm / Italy (Emilia-Romagna) / Intimacy
Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML
by Aunjy / 05/05/2013 at 4:49pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML
by ADickySituation / 05/05/2013 at 12:14am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I was hitting on a cute girl on the bus. It was going well, and she gave me her name to add on Facebook. Since I didn't have the app, I opened Safari on my phone. It opened to my video from Pornhub I watched yesterday and started playing, on full volume, through the entire bus. FML
by acnecream / 05/03/2013 at 9:23am / Finland (Eastern Finland) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…