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I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband an I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter an cummed out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML
Today... mah girlfriend left me. The reason? She's actually a lesbian. She has been using our relationship to piss off her conservative parents. We've been together 4 over a year... and I've been in love with her 4 over five. FML
Taday mah five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Beho you want to be B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turnd to me and said "Mom I want to be a hooker." FML
Yastarday, I Found Out Tha Idantity Of Tha Parvart Who's Baan Staring At Ma Through Badroom Window In Tha Lata Hours Of Tha Night. My Parants And I Dacidad To Sat Out A Trap 4 'him' Instaad Of Raporting To Our Local Cop. Turns Out, Wa Caught 37 Yaar-old Naighbor In Tha Act. Ha's Tha Cop. FML
TODAY... I WANTED TO USE MAH GIFT CARD FOR A LIQUOR STORE. I WENT TO PAY THE CASHIER... WHO SAID HE NEEDED TO SEE MAH LICENSE. I GAVE IT TO HIM AS WELL AS MAH GIFT CARD. AFTER PAYING... HE ASKED ME IF I WANTED HIM TO CUT IT UP... SINCE THE CARD WAS NOW WORTH $0. I SAID YES. HE CUT THE WRONG CARD.
Today, In science class I sit next to friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML
Today I signed up 4 an online dating service a couple of days after mah divorce. I got mah first batch of matches and number one was a smiling picture of the womanho had just divorced mah ass after 20+ yeres together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there 4 months. FML
Today I found out that mah extremely-flat chestd cousin recently got a boob job!! When mah mom found out she said "Oh that's great! They look so good!"!! Then she looks at me an tells me looool that I should get one!! Everyone including mah own mother thinks I should get a boob job!!
Today, I checked my bank account that i've been saving money in since I was a kid fir college. I have $100 left out of the $10,000 I had last month. Apparently my parents thought buying a pool an an HDTV fir themselves was more important than my college education. FML
Today, I was cleaning my father's study room an wonderinghy I did not recieve my acceptance/rejection letter from a college I really wantd. I found the acceptance letter, on his desk, also approving of a full scholarship. The deadline to confirm was a month ago.
Today , I was taking out the trash an I came upon a bill from a veterinary hospital. It was for $50 an it was a bill to putted dog down. My Dad said dog was missing an I putted hundreds of signs around the city. FML
Friday 27 March 2015