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gjones020

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gjones020

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  • Number of visits : 993
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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gjones020's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend can only orgasm when we have sex to gospel music. FML

#15613942
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49371) - you deserved it (5849)

On 04/03/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by cantgetup (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

#15546300
420 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69114) - you deserved it (9549)

On 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by Johntheladdo (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

#15539670
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46083) - you deserved it (15404)

On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)

Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge... while we were crossing a river. FML

#15470057
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39153) - you deserved it (3218)

On 03/24/2011 at 6:51pm - misc - by phantomdriver - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

#15430260
699 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70525) - you deserved it (15308)

On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger or eating an apple. He chose the apple. FML

#15401896
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34781) - you deserved it (4334)

On 03/20/2011 at 4:29pm - animals - by mugged (man) - United States (New York)

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

#15166184
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33464) - you deserved it (2773)

On 03/01/2011 at 7:11pm - health - by stillsick (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

#15161095
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47861) - you deserved it (13769)

On 03/01/2011 at 8:24am - intimacy - by WhyMe? -

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

#15113643
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43669) - you deserved it (4209)

On 02/25/2011 at 11:03am - intimacy - by inder (woman) - United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent)

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

#14954867
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15351) - you deserved it (58769)

On 02/13/2011 at 4:01am - intimacy - by RyanM - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was on the bus heading home from school, when I noticed a ridiculously hot girl near me, checking me out. I was about to say something charmingly funny when I suddenly got a whiff of onions. Turns out she had turned around simply to catch the essence of her own fart. FML

#14925146
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31630) - you deserved it (4242)

On 02/10/2011 at 6:32pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML

#14753781
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48613) - you deserved it (3972) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2011 at 3:09am - animals - by Anonymous - France

Today, I was given the ultimate ultimatum: either I suffer excruciating stomach pains and remain a hostage to the porcelain whirlpool goddess, or I stop taking pain medication and face the wrath of a raging infection in my jaw. FML

#14743566
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26323) - you deserved it (2698)

On 01/28/2011 at 2:26pm - health - by Damn.... (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

#14671725
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50230) - you deserved it (4609)

On 01/22/2011 at 8:00am - intimacy - by fmlalways - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML

#14653951
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40335) - you deserved it (3408)

On 01/20/2011 at 8:15pm - love - by fianceeless (man) - United States (California)



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