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gjones020

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gjones020

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  • Number of visits : 1015
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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gjones020's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML

#19911168
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55268) - you deserved it (2456)

On 07/08/2012 at 8:30pm - love - by moodyreallyrocks - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it's not cheating since she is getting paid. FML

#19583870
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39545) - you deserved it (4209)

On 05/06/2012 at 8:13pm - intimacy - by madseason (man) - United States

Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML

#19579896
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29876) - you deserved it (2512)

On 05/06/2012 at 12:09am - health - by catherineratley - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

#19572319
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30558) - you deserved it (1915)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:08am - work - by viviham - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML

#19440053
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23868) - you deserved it (2792)

On 04/09/2012 at 10:51pm - health - by emoflowers - United States (Texas)

Today, my ex-husband officially became my step dad. FML

#19421919
384 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86192) - you deserved it (4245)

On 04/07/2012 at 4:20am - love - by ladylarni - Australia

Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up Tard Mode and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML

#19264126
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28021) - you deserved it (5915)

On 03/12/2012 at 12:27pm - love - by yamsterr (man) - United States

Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML

#19263580
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34822) - you deserved it (5449)

On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

#19243836
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39949) - you deserved it (6857)

On 03/09/2012 at 1:59am - intimacy - by banned - United States (California)

Today, I went out on a first date. He insisted we go to McDonald's and split a Happy Meal because he "didn't want to waste any money on a first date." FML

#19098700
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31146) - you deserved it (4081)

On 02/17/2012 at 4:44am - love - by Cheap N Happy (woman) - United States

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

#19090033
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26108) - you deserved it (2479)

On 02/15/2012 at 10:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

#19064063
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32096) - you deserved it (6170)

On 02/13/2012 at 8:37am - intimacy - by lotrgeek (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I cracked a rib coughing. FML

#19063731
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29594) - you deserved it (2481)

On 02/13/2012 at 6:32am - health - by anonymous (man) - United States

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

#18991669
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31442) - you deserved it (2751) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/04/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by DarkDolly - France

Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML

#18758727
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65197) - you deserved it (3134)

On 01/09/2012 at 6:01pm - misc - by fuckparents (woman) - United States (Texas)



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