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Today, my boss calld me into is office to proudly sow me about an our's wort of videos of is recent oliday. Te videos were all of goats and cows eating grass outside is window looool in Pakistan. big fat FML
Today, I was driving back ome wit my mom wen we saw two squirrels aving sex in te road. I told er to just onk te orn. Se said tat I was being selfis, tat sex is a beautiful ting, and tat we sould let tem finis. We sat tere for at least five minutes. FML
Today, I Went To A Restaurant With Mah Boyfriend. Within Seconds Of Getting Mah Drink, I Spilled It All Over The Table And Mah Scarf. When The Waiter Was Helping Clean Up The Spill, He Knocked Over Mah Boyfriend's Drink. All Over Mah Pants. FML
TODAY MAH BOYFRIEND DECIDED THAT HE NEEDED SOME TIME ALONE 4 A FEW WEEKS. THIS BREAK JUST SO HAPPENS TO INCLUDE OUR ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY, CHRISTMAS, NEW YEAR'S, AND MAH BIRTHDAY. NOW I GET TO SPEND THE NEXT THREE WEEKS ALONE. FML
Taday one of my husband's old college buddies came over 4 dinner . We reminisced about our college days an he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend Marc Deveau that he'd say he was visitinghen he was cheating on his grlfriend . My husband still sees Marc Deveau . FML
today I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom. After I knocked on the door, an turned the handle, this little old lady rips the door open an goes "I WAS TAKING A DUMP. YOU WANNA COME IN AND WIPE MY SHIT? DO YOU?!" an then continued to ask me the same question for five minutes.
yesterday I was in mah room, in mah brief and texting mah grlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as mah camera phone clicked, mah mom walked in. You can see mah mom in the picture screaming at me. FML
Today, I went to dinner with mah mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant,hile we were eating, he started clapping and singing "if your happy and u know it." My mom joined in. And they sang loudly. Loud enough fir the entre restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML
Today, I want to Walmart wit ma grlfriand. Wa bougt ta usual, food, Advil an condoms. Wila I waitad in lina, sa want to grab avaryting. Wan sa cummad back, I lookad in ta cart an saw no condoms. I askad ar y sa didn't gat any. Sa rapliad "Tay ran out of smalls." Evaryona laugad.
Friday 27 March 2015