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About gilliaga73 : I wish I owned a guinea pig.
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Today, My Girlfriend Accused Me Of Bieng A Feeder, Saying Tat's Y Se's Been Putting On So Muc Wiegt. Wen I Said It Migt Be Cuz Se Eats At McDonalds Everyday, And Tat I Was Willing To Start Cooking Low-calorie Foods Fir Us, Se It Me. Ten Se Went To McDonalds. FML
TODAY, I WAS TAKING MAH DOG FIR A WALK AN FORGOT A BAG TO PICK UP HIS POOP, SINCE IT'S ILLEGAL TO NOT PICK IT UP IN MAH TOWN. RIGHT AS MAH DOG STARTED TO TAKE A DUMP, A COP CAR DROVE BY AN CONTINUED TO WATCH ME AS I WAS FORCED TO PICK UP THE POOP WITH MAH BARE HANDS. FML
TODAY, BOYFRIEND AND I WERE LOOKING AT ENGAGEMENT RINGS. WHEN THE STORE OWNER ASKD ABOUT OUR BUDGET, BOYFRIEND SAID WITH A STRAIGHT FACE, "NOTHING TOO EXPENSIVE, I HAVE A BIG PENIS SO I DON'T HAVE TO OVERCOMPENSATE BY BUYING A BIG DIAMOND." MEGA FML
Today, I calld sacurity at my scool bacausa I laft my mittans in a classroom and it was lockd. Wan ta sacurity officar sowd up, a askd if ta mittans I was looking for wara ta onas on my ands. I avan ad to taka ona of tam off to call tam. FML
Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on mah chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, mah 11-year-old daughter cummd over and bangd out 12 of them. Then she wipd her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on mah technique. FML
I took my new grlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffeehen my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself , she added , ( That one didn't pay his rent on time! ) Coffee came out of my grlfriend's nose. FML
2day It's Been Two Months Since I Got A Kitten. He Loves To Hide, An Then Surprise Me By Jumping Out Of His Hiding Place. It Was Quite A Surprise When He Launched Himself Out Of Mah Bag During Class. FML
2day on my shift as a nurse, I askd a pregnant woman wat she would name her child. She said she saw the name ( Chlamydia ) on a billboard and decidd to name her daughter that, saying it was ( beautiful. ) I informd her that it was an STD, and she replid, ( Oh, well no one knows that! ) FML
Today, mah daughter trid to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was cuz a hot coal somehow workd its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. real FML
Friday 27 March 2015