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gigie2's favorite FMLs
by Bernadette / 06/28/2012 at 3:58pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML
by loves the smell of burning flesh / 11/01/2011 at 9:22am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML
by candice / 11/01/2011 at 5:09am / Reserved / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm very ill. My throat and glands are so swollen that whenever I fall asleep, I relax too much and cut off my own air. The doctor said it's a viral infection and there's nothing they can give me, so I can choose between trying to kill myself by sleeping or staying awake for the next few days. FML
by DirtyCharmed / 11/01/2011 at 2:29am / United States (Washington) / Health
by Tom / 11/01/2011 at 1:01am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 10/31/2011 at 8:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/31/2011 at 12:12am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, I saw a group of attractive guys at the mall. One of them looked exactly like a friend, so I decided to take a picture. Trying to be discreet, I put my phone up to my ear as if I was making a phone call, and pressed the capture button. The flash went off. FML
by Anonymous / 10/30/2011 at 7:36pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my doctor told me that the reason I'm losing my eyesight is because I'm straining my eyes, and that the best thing for me to do is to limit my time in front of computers. I spent years in college to get my current job which involves sitting in front of computers. FML
by comedybreak / 10/30/2011 at 12:31pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, while in the grocery store my boyfriend said very loudly "Don't make me hit you in public again!" He says things like this every time we are in the grocery store line. The sad part is that it's better than when he says "Are you gonna pay for the stuff you put in your purse?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/30/2011 at 4:38am / United States (California) / Love
by cai / 10/29/2011 at 4:56am / United States / Love
by backstabbed / 10/29/2011 at 3:22am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by me / 10/29/2011 at 12:43am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2011 at 7:39pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2011 at 8:25am / United States / Kids