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- <3 status : Single
- Number of visits : 15061
- Number of comments : 12
- Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted
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by Jakesssss / 04/09/2015 at 9:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by Notre_Dame_714 / 04/08/2015 at 5:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, at the DMV I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, setting my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML
by usadisvet / 04/02/2015 at 2:43am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML
by screwedupfuck / 03/27/2015 at 5:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, my stomach started to hurt. When I got home, my parents had company over, which I had to rush past to use the bathroom. After being in the bathroom for about 3 minutes, my mother yells to me from the other room, in front of the guests, "Are you OK in there?" I'm 27. FML
by struckbystarzz / 03/27/2015 at 9:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML
by Anonyme / 03/27/2015 at 5:50am / France (Bretagne) / Love
Today, I got fired for having a visible tattoo on my neck. The tattoo in question is a scar from a surgery I had 2 months ago. The same one paid for by my employer's insurance and missed 2 weeks of work for. FML
by Anonymous / 03/25/2015 at 8:23am / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML
by anonymous / 03/25/2015 at 12:24am / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML
by Anonymous / 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML
by Mr. Sniffles / 03/23/2015 at 11:43am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML
by Anonymous / 03/22/2015 at 10:59am / United States / Love
Today, my mom got drunk and started crying at my after-wedding party, after promising she'd behave herself. She thinks my husband is an awful person who'll drag me into a life of sin, all because he has a tattoo and an ear piercing. FML
by Anonymous / 03/22/2015 at 5:52am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
by ellabellabooboo / 03/21/2015 at 10:27pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health
Today, I was startled by my roommate marching a drunk man out of our apartment. Somehow he found his way in complete darkness into the bathroom without alerting me or my dog next to the only door. He mistook the clothes hamper for the toilet. FML
by Nexpecto / 03/21/2015 at 6:29pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister shot my dog with my airsoft gun. When I told my parents, she put on the fakest sobbing I've ever heard, said she didn't even know how to use a gun, and that she saw me shoot my own dog. They believed her and think I need psychiatric help. FML
by Anonymous / 03/21/2015 at 1:36am / United States (New Jersey) / Animals